Full Frontal Medical (Part 6 & 7 -- Results)

(Part 6: I wrote this on Dec. 31th)

Dear readers, I know that some of you read about my expensive, annual, full-on medical examination that I went thru at the begining of this month.... well I got my full results on Dec 29th.

They found a "lump" on my pancreas when they did an ultrasound, and they want me to go for further detailed examinations to see what it's all about, for it wasn't there last year.... I was hoping that I could get an appointment at the docs before the end of the year. NOT. (all I got on the answering machine was "we will be on holiday from the 29th thu the 6th of January, have a nice day")

Fuck your "have a nice days!!!"

My first thoughts were: "Why me? What the fuck is going on? Yes, I abused my body (physically and psychologically in my youth), but I'm only 31? WTF?? Did I do anything bad to get this?" But the feeling is more of emptiness than of anger. My brother is stuck in Sri Lanka, my mum is nearly losing it (I think her mind is blank right now. She is slowly -- only now -- digesting the severity of my brother's situation), and the only person in this family with *any* action plan, is me. (yes, I am bad with follow thu, but I am a *miss-contingency-plan*. I am a meticulous planner. I'm an "ideas" person; that's what I sell for a living. Ideas Merchant Me Am.)

Ok, must admit that my eating/drinking habits are not exactly *normal*, and I have two parents who have had cancer (my dad was also a diabetic), but why do I have a shitty lump on my pancreas??? The pancreas is the organ that regulates my blood sugar levels and keeps me healthy, right? It's still a vital organ, right? Without it I would be shooting up insulin twice a day like a seasoned smack addict?!

Why? (I wonder...)

Fuck!! I hope those quacks/doctors are wrong, and they are misdiagnosing my second spleen (I have a conjenital condition where I have 2 spleens!! Two *redundant* organs!!) instead of finding a "lump" on my pancreas. But there again, however stupid you are, you know that the spleen is on the left hand side of the body, not on the right....

I have an unknown lump on my pancreas.

Oh well... I guess this "Full Frontal Medical " series will continue a bit longer than expected. If I ever get hospitalised (again) all I can say is that I hope they let me bring my PC to blog -- if I am dying I want my last few days to be full of things I like doing. I probably won't be able to do yoga, I won't be able to go trekking, and I know they will never let me go scuba diving if this condition is serious....

FUCK!

I don't really need this shit right now.


(Part 7 : I wrote this on Jan 7th, after I told some of my close friends about my "lump". I didn't want them reading my condition here. Not a personal way to disclose, lah?)

I was at the doctor's today for my second consultation. He was discussing with his colleagues about whether I should have a helical CT, which will give them a very accurate view of my pancreas, or an MRI which would be safer for me (but not so accurate), for I may have complications with my CT scan due to my allergies to a lot of drugs (I'm allergic to NSAIDs (non steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) like Tylenol, Aspirin, and Ibuprofen. etc.).

They've decided to go for the CT, for the accuracy, but they will have someone there in case I have an astma attack. (can someone explain to me why a radiologist, who has been thru med school, cannot help me if I have an asthma attack? Is this one of their ploys to increase my medical bills???)

I am scheduled to go in for a CT scan on Monday, Jan 17th, at 1:30pm. The procedure is supposed to take 50mins in total. I will be injected a special dye to show my pancreas more clearly. My mum has regular CT scans (normal ones, not a helical one) every year, and she said that you get a slight buzz from the "dye", but I should be able to go back to work after I get my scan.

Normal people say to their bosses:"I'm going to be a bit late back from lunch, coz I'm going to the dentists" or "I'm going to the doctor's coz I have a slight cold." Me? I have to say to my boss, Director A:"I'm going to be a little bit late back from lunch, coz I'm going to get a CT scan and take "Kodak Moments" of my prancreas."

fuck.

Wish me well, dear readers, wish me well....

(Post script: why is the DWR quite calm about her condition? Shouldn't she be ranting and raving about her condition? Shouldn't she be scared shitless, and not blog about her "lump"? Well, maybe it's because I've had time to digest the situation, analyse it, think of the potential implications, and finally come up several "action/contingency plans" for the worst case scenario. If it's cancer, and I have to go under the knife, I have several things that I *need* to do B4 that happens. I have a full time job, I am interviewing for a new, potentially fantastic job, I have been asked by a journalist in HK for an interview about getting my brother back from SriLanka, and I have to prepare for my CT, and all dat jazz. Both my parents have had cancer -- dad died on Nov, 20th 1989... my mum lost it at the time, she couldn't tell me his condition so *I* went up to his doctor demanding that he tell me his condition. I listened carefully, and calmly, as his doctor told me that my dad had a tumour in his liver that was 15cm (6in) in diametre, and that he had "terminal" cancer. At aged 15 *I* told my brother (13), not my mum, that dad was dying, and we need to all mentally get prepared for his death. Say our goodbyes - the lot of us, coz my dear mum (poor sensitive little flower) just couldn't face the truth.... "Keep it together, DWR! If you don't, noone here will!!" Yes, dear readers, this is my attitude. This is the *phat* attitude that I have. That is why this wench writes calmly about some of the most painful things in life.)