Full Frontal Medical (Part 1)

Prologue: Failed Attempt At Detox

(Some of you may remember that I tried to enter detox a week ago in my vain attempt at trying to trick my company into thinking that I am really quite normal, and that I do not have any alcohol related health issues... well my mission to detox failed 3 times this past week, and today I checked myself in for a "Full Frontal Medical")

9am. Filling in silly questionnaires

Medical Questionnaire: 2 day Delux, Scrumptious, First Class Course

Name: Drunken Wench
Age: "of Aquarius", maaaaan. But I'm actually a Libra
Gender: Bender, Fender, Tender, Agenda... can't think of any more rhymes. (Give me a break, it's too early in the day!)
Occupation: Preoccupied. (But I get paid by my blood-sucking company, and so will you.)
*Stool and urine sample provided? (y/n)
Together, or separately? Do you honestly think that I am going to let you, a receptionist, know if I just took public transport carrying my own excrament in my new Prada bag to this clinic? NO.

Items Covered in the Medical (in order):
Day 1:
1) Blood test (cell counts, biochemistry, blood sugar level on empty stomach)
2) Diabetes test (blood sugar levels after drinking 7-up)
3) Chest X-ray
4) Eye Sight
5) Blood Pressure
6) Self Declaration of Health -- Interview With Staff Nurse
7) ECG -- lying down
9) Eye -- Glaucoma, and others
10) Hearing
11) Height, weight, body fat %
12) Colonoscopy
13) General -- internal medicine. Listening to lungs, heart beat, checking for abdominal abnormalities, lymph nodes, and thyroid.

-- Lunch --

(Four course french menu: please chose from meat or fish for the main dish)

14) ECG -- while on the excersise bike.

15) CT scan of mid-section to measure fat around internal organs

16) Respiratory -- peak flow volume, etc.

17) General fitness: Balance, Arm Strength, Abdominal Strength, Reaction Time, Flexibility

18) Mammography

19) Gaenocological X-amination (I have chosen to spare the readers the details of this item. But I can tell you that they did at least 5 different tests on me)

20) Briefing on tomorrow's procedures

-- Hotel Shuttle Service Will Come and Pick You Up --

(For dinner you have a set Italian-fusion menu, however for an additional 1000yen (US$10)you can upgrade your dinner set to a buffet, including a glass of champagne.)

Day 2:

21) Stomach X-ray

22) Ultra sound examination of the Liver, Spleen, and Gall Bladder

23) MRI and PET scan of brain

24) Final consultation, and review of preliminary results.

Please enjoy your medical examination. We aim to please..... blah, blah, blah.

And so my day begun.

(to be continued)