If you feel depressed, or this is your first visit? Read the story below... just scroll down, you'll find it. It's not hard to miss. I wrote it when I was still relatively OK while I was at the hospital waiting room so it's still a happy, normal DWR post.
But not this one....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am tired today. I cried, and cried, and cried till there were no more tears... I feel empty.
In addition to my CT I had my bimonthly counselling session with Dana today. We talked about BwanaK being stuck in Sri Lanka, my mum turning into a vegitable during that time, and my "lump". I think that was more than enuf for a 1.5hr session. There are other stuff that I want to let out, but I have no energy. I have to wait 10 days to find out the results of my CT
I'm tired and fed up of waiting. I've been waiting since Dec. 29th. When is this shit going to end, Nutts? When will it end.... I've got my second round of interviews on the 26th. I even bought a new suit for that interview! I have my yoga retreat/diving holiday in Thailand -- my first holiday in a year!! And these fluffy wankers, with their fucking fluffy clouds, are telling me that they can't give me my results till the 27th?
That's TEN DAYS TIME!!!
When, oh when is this fucking nightmare going to end!!
I need to live, damn it!!! I need to get laid, to fall in love again, to finish my book(s), to go diving, to go on holiday, to see my friends, to climb Everest -- even if it is only to Base Camp!
When's this fucking shit going to end, for fuck's sake. I'm tired.
(Post Script: Sorry for the negative post, but I just had to let it out. I'm human, I have shitty days too -- but just been having too many of them lately , that's all.... I'm not always this bitter. I promise...)
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7 comments:
Dear little princess, what you must be going through. You are in my thoughts. S
10 days is a long time M, it seems excessive that you have to wait so long. If there is anything your readers can do, let us know. What a stale day you had, I do hope it turns around right quick for you. Ahh well your out of the fluffy hosipital right, that is a positive thing!
Hey Babe, know what? You're here today and in good trim .... so whadafuk u ballin' fo, huh? Go out there and LIVE. SEE friends, TREAT yourself to that wonderfully extravagant supper, HAVE that extra facial, GRAB that cute guys tie and haul him away. Look at this as a wake up call to life and go play pachinko while you're playing hooky. You're borrowing problems from tomorrow - put them back there and play with the today that you have. Last I knew, hugs were a great thing too, so here's a big one *HUGZ*. :) Thinkin' of ya you Peacock... :P
thank you everyone, I'm feeling much better today. I will just continue to live the next 10 days just as I did before I told you guyz about my "lump" -- did you see a single negative post? No, coz I was having fun taking the "Slut Test" and being a "virtual drug dealer" and doing really shite at it while I waited for my brother to come home, and get an appointment at the docs.
I've got many things to keep me occupied -- lunch with P on wednesday, yoga on thursday, friday, well I'll just call one of my "platonic" male friends and bitch about being single, saturday I need to go and buy a new duvet, coz Belle pissed on it (again!). Plus I need to do an interview with Dan and Ken, and finish my story on saving our mermaids...
Too much to do, but there are going to pockets of moments when I feel like shit, so bear with me if I'm negative once in a while....
And thank you for the *big* hug, it's not fluffy, it gives me strenth.
DWR
Hey DWR, hope you're OK so far to the east. Peace :D
it's OK, I'm fine. I know it's unlike me to not write everyday, but for some reason I was exhausted so I took my zonkie pills and shut the lights out at 10:30pm...
still alive, still smiling, just got back from lunch with P. Feeling sleepy again tho', maybe I'll draft something up on my way back on the train and post it later.
Hey there. Although I can't understand what you're going through, I empathize with you totally and I want you to know that it's cool to just let it out, vent, rant, bitch and yell. It's your F'ing life right? It may suck once in a while, but I am sure that it's had it's moments too. You seem like a great person that's had a profound affect on a lot of people and no matter what happens, you still kick ass.
BTW, I am sorry you can't get laid recently. A buddy of mine once said that hunger is the best sauce though, so maybe you've got one hell of an encounter just around the bend??? Too bad I am not going to be in Japan anytime soon or I'd look you up. ;) Anyway, hang in there, we need you around and posting and being your regular old self. Take care.
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