My mum.... jeez this Blog should be called My Mum's Batty! The woman is just a topic waiting to be shared with the rest of the planet.
Anyway. My mother has a habit of "naming" things, for instance she calls the house plants the "air freshner", the gap in the door -- only wide enuf for the cats to go thru -- "the Animal Trail", the pile of clothes on my bedroom floor "Mt. Laundry" and many more. If you came to my house and installed a bug in the living room you will hear things like:"George, don't chew on the airfreshner" "Belle, quit meowing and come here, use the animal trail", and "DWR, when is Mt. Laundry going to leave your bedroom? " "It's OK, mum, Mt.Laundry is visiting the dry-cleaners this afternoon. The undies are in the laundry basket." (yes, my mum insists on "running" this house which is a good idea, coz I have a rare condition where I get hives, and have a HUGE asthma attack when I attempt to do any form of housework... brrr, just typing the words sends shivers down my spine!)
My mother being a very polite but blunt lady has a "name" for, um, doing a Number 2. (i.e. go for a shit). She calls the process of defecation "Morning Mantra". Why? Well every morning buddist monks say their mantras before breakfast. It's part of their morning "duty". In her mind pooping in the morning is a healthy ritual, and is diligent about reminding us that she's about to go for a shit. I have been hearing the same words in the mornings since I was a kid. "I'm off to say my Morning Mantra." Even when I'm going to the toiled (just for a piss) "Oh, are you off to say your Morning Mantra, dear?".
Please mum, pretty please, do not exhibit any of your excentricities outside this household. Never say to your colleagues, "I'm off to say my Morning Mantra" as you walk into the toilet cubicle, coz YOU WILL BE LOCKED UP!!!!!
My mother is seriously not with it.... Please, please, please! If there is a God up there can you make sure that this woman's genes that reside in me are RECESSIVE? I don't want to end up like her in 30 years time, and I most certainly DO NOT want whako children who become subjects of voyeuristic neighbours' blogs, or worse still, blogged by their OWN children!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Wow interesting thoughts by you DWR. First I do think many traits skip generations, and so I would not be too worried. And if you did get some of her genes, praying to God will not help you out. Just cope with it, be stronger than the gene, over power it. Yes that is my thoughts... Why worry about it now, maybe if you notice maddness within your self... but from my opinion you seem quite sane. So just put it out of your mind, there are bigger things to worry about.
Oh come now, be grateful for your batty little drummer in your head. If it weren't for Nutts, what fun would you be at all? You certainly would be too shy to share with the rest of us, so rise up and rejoice I say with the voice of a legion of boisterous tribbles! :)
Ok, you know what? The more I think about it, I think my innervoice is a genetically mutated form of the wench-mum's crazy gene. I don't think I would be able to observe the absurdities without the wench-mum genes...
My mum's a Pisces, and my "moon" is in pisces -- my astrologer friend, C, says that the moon governs the "feelings" (lunacy and all that) so I probably have some of her traits....
Shit, I will ask you all to come and shoot me if I start ranting and raving like the wench-mum! Love her to death, but she is too scary.... too close to home....
Well, at least she doesn't call it "Mt. Mantra"...ewwwwwww!
Post a Comment