Today I was eating my "skinny arse" buffalow chicken salad lunch at Tony Romas, complete (ironically) with PHAT hiphop with not so family-oriented lyrics as BGM, after my yoga class at 10:30am this morning.
I was seated in the non-smoking section filled with families, their small kiddies running around oblivious to the "I'm going to fuckyou muthafucka with my 9, mathafucka's" playing in the background. The kiddies were in their highchairs wearing plastic bibs; I was surrounded by screaming kids who were being rushed off by their parents everytime they said "PeePee". These small humans had annoying squeeling toys, flashing fire engines, and talking trains.
Oh well, it's better than getting "stinging eyes" in the "adults only" section.
Sitting opposite me was an interacial couple; a caucasian man in his early 40s with a north american accent , his Japanese partner, a woman about my age (early 30s), and their (probably) 2 year old son who was wearing a standard plastic bib. Happy families, eating BBQ spare ribs at Tony Romas on a Saturday afternoon?
Nah.
I have seen my friends (including myself) go thru relationship "issues"; arguments in public and "darling, I think we need to go home, NOW"s and "I'm going home. Talk to you later"s, but this was the first time that I had seen a full on oratory "Gladiator" battle in a "family" restaurant playing violent gansta rap music. (and no, I'm not blaming violent, but cool rhymes)
Wife: "So, who always ends up fucking looking after S, huh? How am I fucking supposed to do this, blah, blah, fucking blah, blah, blah, fucking blah, nag, nag, fucking nag, naaaaag..."
Husband is trying to keep a smile just incase there is someone in the restaurant who understands the English language e.g. Moi
Wife:" You are soooooo fucking useless, what happens if S, is sick huh? It's always me having to look after him, you are just never there. HUH? And you sit here playing fucking happy-families, well I am fed up with this charade!"
(Husband grinning/grimacing as if to say "Not here, darling, can we talk about this when we get home?)
Wife:" Do you even fucking know who his friends are at playschool? Huh? It's all well that fucking you play good father for 3 hours in a week, but the rest of the fucking time? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
"Nag, Nag,Nag, fucking Nag,Nag, Nag,Nag, fucking Nag,Nag, Nag,Nag, fucking Nag,Nag, Nag,Nag, Nag, fucking Nag, Nag......."
Husband eventually loses his fake smile and his temper:"Darling, in that case, why don't we get a nanny, to help you if you feel that way?"
Wife:"We don't have enuf money. You don't earn enuf money for a fucking nanny! You fucking useless FUCK!!"
Husband had nothing to add to his wife's statement. The two ate their BBQ spare ribs and onion rings in silence as the two year-old blabbered stuff to its parents in both English and in Japanese. At this point I had a flash back from my childhood, and how my parents were always smiling, telling us to sit down and behave ourselves, and how my parents were always smiling, holding hands, and watched over us with so much warmth and love....
(well there you have it married couples fuck less, than when they were single, but say "fucking" a lot more once they get married.)
I hope that "Haafu" kid has at least one moment of love that I received from my parents. None of this arguing shite...
(Post Script: My parents are techinically still married although my father passed away on Nov. 20, 1989. The day that my mother married my father she was in a cab on the way to the shrine; the cabbie drove past a black man, and blurted: "these days, there are some of these mad women who marry those gorillas, I just don't understand them. Why marry a gorilla." She didn't say anything coz she was going to marry a "Gorilla" according to the cabbie. This was back in 1972 when there weren't many interracial marriages between "African" and "Asian" people. I am glad that my parents had a happy marriage -- it would have shown that cabbie a thing or two, coz my parents, regardless of their origins, their age (they were 15 years apart) were able to provide my brother and I with a loving home. I have never seen my parents argue like the couple sitting in front of me did. They were always smiling, and joking, and telling us off. They are the best parents that I could have asked for. They say kids can't chose their parents, but I think I did.)
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2 comments:
I would like to start my comments with a quote from your blog:
"(well there you have it married couples fuck less, than when they were single, but say "fucking" a lot more once they get married.)"
I always thought I was ready for settling down. I thought I knew what I wanted in a relationship. But alas, thoughts alone.
The quote from your blog is perhaps a good reflection of one of my fears of settling down. Perhaps I have commitment phobia, but then again ...
I've been in long-term relationships, particularly a long-term relationship with a string of relationships that fail. Will I ever find true love? Is true love what it takes to keep a relationship going years after it has begun?
I seem to always fall for women who are from a foreign land, and so the story goes, all my relationships have ended up being a long distance relationship that did not work out. Costly, time consuming and tiring. All of which I cannot afford; money, time and energy.
Is it me or is it my deluded dreams that love will conquer the long distance between 2 lovers?
Or is it my fear of settling down with that special someone that is subconsciously driving my dating preferences?
Perhaps, I'm just in love with the idea of being in love, yet fearful of being loved and to love ...
Perhaps the distance between me and my lover is that comforting blanket, that much like Linus, I carry around to mask my true fears ...
--
Rgds,
Charlie Brown
Charlie, you still have hope, read the post script. My parents are still "married" even if my dad is dead. They were from different countries, they were from a different age, a different race...
We all have fears of falling in love and being hurt. I've been thru that and have the scars to show you -- do you want to see them? No, you've already seen them haven't you?
You can't afford time, money, and effort? What has made you so bitter? Unless you spend those things, no one will spend them on you... quid pro quo. Learn to trust, to be honest, open your heart -- yeah it's a chance, but fuck it. Sometimes you have to dive in head first, right?
Without trust and honesty you cannot build a foundation of love, don't you think? I'm about to do the most crazy thing you've ever heard from anyone. I am going to meet a special person who I have never met, and lives on the other side of the planet. Why? I have opened my heart to him. Time, money, effort? They have no value compared to openness and love.
The rest? it will all fall into place. Where there is a will, there is a way. And if it doesn't work out for you? You'll have another story to tell your grandchildren...
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