These are the opening lines from a song by Ken Hirai, one of my favourite Japanese R&B artists. Love, love, love... indeed.
What the fuck happened to my love life?
Did it get wiped out because I work too much? Did it just disappear when I decided to chose my work over shitty relationships that *just* didn't work? (e.g. dating drug dealers, faggots, and violent, possesive men?
What the fuck is going on?
I am 31, I have been single for 2 years, I have been laid on average once every 6 months. I am like a fucking Grizzly bear that goes into hibernation, wakes up, fucks, and then go off to sleep again!!!
There needs some serious advise and action plan for the DWR... maybe I will go and buy some sex toys this afternoon. Silicone lovers are better than going solo, right?
FUCK!
I can't make love to a dildo?! It's not me! It's not the DWR!! Looking at a dildo will just make me laugh -- those "false" veins all in the wrong anatomical places is enough -- I don't want to fuck a plastic dick with veins in the wrong place, even tho' they are "circumsised"!! They Just Aren't Right!!! Fuck, I really am up shit creek...
Huh.... OK, fly-fishing or "martial" arts? which one? Oh shit!! I forgot boxing!!! Maybe I will take up boxing! Many men are at those sweaty boxing gyms, right? Hot, sweaty men... hmmmm, not a bad idea....
If only I didn't have that FUCKING lump on my pancreas.... I have another 3 days to wait before I have my pancreas tomographied for a "Kodak Moment".... Kodak fucking Moments of my internal organs(?), and I'm only 31... Why me?
I'm ONLY 31!!!! I HAVE SEX WITH FIT, 24YEAR OLDS (ONCE EVERY 6MONTHS), I AM NOT OLD!!! WHY AM I TAKING HOLIDAY PICS OF MY PANCREAS? HUH? I SHOULD BE GETTING LAID, HAVING A GOOD TIME, ALA SEX&THE CITY?! I SHOULD BE SHAFTED LEFT, RIGHT, AND CENTRE, BUT NOOOOOOO THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO BE A VIRGIN AGAIN IN 6MONTHS' TIME AND WILL HAVE TO ORGANISE A "VIRGIN AGAIN" PARTY AND GET LAUGHED AT BY MY FRIENDS WHO WILL JUST SAY:"Never mind, darles, there's next month, right?" WHAT DA FUCKY GOING AAAAN HERE? Y CANT I GET LAID? WOT GOING AAAAN?????
OK, I'm breathing calmy now... I've posted a picture of me + friends on Serenity (hint: I'm not blond, nor am I a bloke. I'm part asian, and part african; easy to spot. First time I reveal myself online. Wow, a bold step!! Well, just in case lump is bad....). If you think you have good advice and the bold step to check out what da DWR looks like, give me an idea of what's going on here (Hot or Not => i.e. am I a DAWG, "5 pinter", "paper bag and I'll fuck ya"? I need to get out more, send photos to online dating, etc?) what I am doing wrong, what am I not doing, and give me some hints to get punany action, I am in need of desparate help. Otherwise I will have cobwebs up my pussy in 6 month's time....
This is not funny anymore -- 6 months and I'm a virgin again? Wot da fuckie?!
HEEEELLLLLLPPPP!!!!!
Maybe I should post a "personals" ads here? "DWR seeking hetrosexual male with big schlong? Well, not that big, as long as he knows how to use his tool and his tongue/fingers, A.O.K."
(Post Script: Oh, on top of all my "issues", my cat, George, is sick again. He's got conjunctivitis from the cold that he contracted as a kitten. He goes for annual vaccinations, but that's not enuf. This is the 3rd time he developed cold-symptoms in his 4 year life..... the only living being that does not take any pills, or is sick, in this household is my other cat, Belle. Bless her, she is sooooo hardy!)
Huh... I need an action plan, milestones, deadlines, and a "Microsoft Project" plan to sort my fuckt up life...
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15 comments:
Hey XT, you *are* amusing! I'm also sure that you'll both make Ms Drunken feel more attractive (though she's still pining away about the ex-boyfriends that decided they were gay when they were dating her) and brighten her day (you have a fun way with words). As for her issues, she's pulling everyone's chain here. If she was half as ferocious irl as she is on her blog, she'd be fending the blokes off with a chair (both Japanese and not). The bad thing is that that pic isn't all that great - you really can't see her at all, but I'm sure that that's not totally accidental. Yeah, she's a hottie and she could definitely use one of those "can't sit comfy, but DAMN this is a fine day" sort of smiles. Mona DWR?
Personally, I wonder why you don't take an extended option on that 24 year old's body and age him a bit - what say you a week's time on holiday somewhere warm? You could also even think about wearing things that are more approachable, like jeans, a sweater, ... and a smile? :)
Well lessee, judgment. Eight months ago would've been no hesitation whatsoever.
Maybe you should just skip the country to somewhere your good looks and attitude would be more appreciated? But bring that kimono.
you can borrow bunny if you want... =)
Seriously though, you are (by anaylasis of Blog) a great person. And I want your Kimono being as its purple. =P
Anyway off topic... Again I agree with bunny... England.... come here... meet lotsa people who would dive through hoops for ya...
mmm spaghetti hoops...
and if you did come i'd even cat sit.....
=)
My friend DWR, I have come to play catch up so to speak and this is the first thing I read... Hummmm what happened while I was gone? It has only been 3 weeks and you sound desprate. Poor DWR.
I suggest you listen to your audience here and take a holiday; come to the states, let us show you how it is done. Yes, come pay me a visit, we can chill out, get down on some skunk, take a few rips, maybe do a bit of snowboarding, and end up in front of a fire on a bearskin rug with some Ripple. (just playing about the Ripple, it just sounded good, ojoj).
I really have no realistic advice on how to get laid in Japan, but if you make it to the States, look me up.
Oh and to answer the question... Yeah, your a hottie for sure.
Going to the US? no way! They fingerprint tourists there!!! DWR is NOT going to be a "number" on another database -- she is already a 10 digit number in too many places....
Jokes aside, I need to get out more, right? I need to get the feck off my PC and go find "hotties" -- but the problem is, most of the "hotties" are GAY!!! I don't find Japanese/oriental men attractive, coz they look femmy, Black guys are just mysogenists, and treat you like their "accessory", and the white guyz.... well most of them are just "CHARISMA MAN" -- basically nerdy losers who just can't get laid back at home but get worshipped like they are APOLLO in asia, just because they have blond hair, or blue eyes. CHARISMA MEN are, in general, the stupid Engurish Teachers (they have no other talent apart from being able to "semi" talk in their own language)who lost their cherries when they were 24, i.e. when they came to Japan.
I don't think I'm not too fussy, but I cannot tolerate people with IQs below 100. They just bring out that evil imp inside me to just go and shred them to pieces and laugh at their "lack" of experience.
"So, are you one of those guys who lost their virginty to a prostitute coz you just couldn't get laid?"
or
"Man, I'm looking at your shoes there, but if your body is in 'proportion' I feel sorry for you.... small feet, small dick?"
yes, there is a nasty evil woman who resides in this body....
FUCK, I NEED TO GET LAID!!!!!!
Come over to the UK then, much nicer place, more pleasant accents, fewer fanatical moralists, and actual genuine culture as well. :D
its kinda ironic that I spent 15 years (nearly 1/2 my life) living in ol' Blighters -- but guess what? I don't have a work permit!!! So unless I get a Fuck-Off Job that sponsors me (and I am looking, hard, believe me!) I'm going to be stuck as either a student or a tourist in Engerland....
SO, DWR has a bit of a plan right now; altho I'm job hunting, I may be sent off to Germany (I've lived there B4) so I may go visit my "smug-married" friends in London on weekends from Stuttgart. Might get some punany action if that is da case -- but won't find this out till Tuesday 18th, but even B4 dat, me gats to look at me lump, right?
Shit, if I go for surgery, I *really* may not get laid dis year!
FUCK!!
I'd offer to marry you, but I need to wait a couple of years to divorce my wife as it is. Still it'd get ya a work permit. Maybe you could grab some random English millionaire, drug'im, marry'im, then give him a heart-attack through over-exertion on your wedding night?
Its just an idea, please don't hit me. :D
You know, funny you should say that coz my gay friend, D, while we were at college "seriously" considered getting married - on paper - coz he was into oriental men (WELL into them) so he could come to Japan and fuck asian men like crazy, and I could stay in England... but alas, his boyfriend didn't like the idea (jealous and possessive) so we just left it at that.
Must admit, I would like to pseudo marry someone from Australia, coz its warmer there! (oh, but the gene pool, DWR, think about that, think carefully.... are you going to find talent in the land of Mick Dundee? probably not.)
I'm fuckuard! right, get off the PC, get into the shower, and get ready for yoga, you wench!
Oh silly, silly wench-ette. Silly drabbling on about things are you? You know that you might just get off on being worshipped. Post one of those alluring pics and who knows? With a tight bum and your charming way with words, you might just reverse the slide and convert XT! Now wouldn't that be just a li'l bit of karmic justice? :) Seems that you have enough offers of late, too. If nothing else, you can always do cyber/chats with your several worshipful reader! Hark! I think that I hear volunteers in this very list... :p
alas... all the spunk-filled hunky, sex-gawds are all overseas!!!
The only thing that can happen is cyber-sex, and believe me cyber-sex is just that: sigh, brrrrr!
Do I have any volunteers in Japan??? Please???
Hmmm.... a thought. I wonder if I could use my airmiles to *fly* in the volunteers to Japan? Hmmmm....
I don't think that you would have to offer anything but coffee, a share of your stash of prescripted medications, and that sparkling personality to get all the volunteers you want. Bonus if you're going to show them around, order-in sushi, and break into the liquer cabinet (you *are* moving up in the world).
Ahh... the delivery sushi! The quality has improved since U were last in Nipperville, but I'm going to keep the Waaasaaaabi WELL away from you! No more toxic fumes, thank you!
Pish, that has ever not been an issue with me ... you can't even differentiate people when you're drunk, you lush! :O
LOL! Ok, tube of wasabi will be donated by the DWR, but BUOY! I remember the consequences!!
Did I deserve it?? Why?
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