I was having a conversation with one of my ol' FBs (fuck buddies) about how we view the concept of "Love" and "Relationships".
My FB now lives in Boston, I am in Tokyo, and for obvious reasons we no longer have sex together. He mentioned that if I were to be nearer him, we would be dating. Dating? Really? (Sure.) What makes you think that we would be dating? I mean, where's the fine line between fuck-buddies and girlfriends?
Well, with girlfriends you have sex all the time, and fuck-buddies, well, you only do it occasionally.
WOW! I never looked at it like that.
When I look at my (brief and pathetic) sexual history 60% of the men I have had sex with are FBs?! What kind of madness am I living? How can I be so cold, and detached to be able to separate love from sex so readily? Do others do this? WTF? How is it that I go about meticulously choosing FBs? Well most of the time I chose partners knowing that they (or I) will be physically moving onto a separate location so there is never going to be "strings" attached. It will never get messy; we are attracted on a basic sexual level. Yes. But there is always that guarantee that things will never get sour. Why? We will not be in the same city, country for that long...
Don't get me wrong, I care a lot about all my FBs. I still keep in touch with almost all of them! They are my friends first and foremost, that is why I become interested in them -- not only the physical side, but also their personal side. They are nice people, people that I care I about before anything else... and they become my FBs eventually, because I know that there will soon be a time to say goodbye, in a friendly manner. No messy endings. No tears, No flying cutlery. Just a smile, a kiss on the cheek, and a "let's stay in touch".
If I was more brave and promiscuous, my life may resemble that of Catherine Millet, authour of the controversial "The Sexual Live of Catherine M".... or there again, maybe not. I enjoy having sex with people that I like, not strangers. I want to know what makes my lovers smile, I want to know what makes my lovers passionate, I want to know what brings tears to my lover's heart... I want to know my lovers before I let them into me -- physically.
Sex is sold off too easily. But love, well that is a different question.
So, DWR, how would you separate the difference between FBs and Boyfriends? FBs are men that I love, but am afraid to commit to, and Boyfriends are men who I love just as equally, but I made the decision to try and make a commitment. Even if it works out or not. (one night stands? tried it once, and didn't really enjoy it. Never again.)
Does that make sense? You are telling me that you are more commitment-phobic than not, right? Considering that you'd say that you've had 4 "boyfriends" in your life, including Sam...
Yes. I don't want to go thru the pain of a break-up....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There is a song that I sent out to my FB that really sums my approach to love, unfortunately for copyright reasons I cannot share it with you, but I can share a bit of the lyrics with you.
Footsteps - Track 9 (Pharmacy Allstar's Mix, from Eitetsu Takamiya's HOUSE THINGs Vol.6 Compilation produced by Flower Records )
.... love without freedom will die,
I don't want footsteps following me,
Unlike prisons, love's got to be free,
I am allergic to jealously,
I don't want footsteps following me.
Indeed, love without trust and freedom is just not for me...
I am constantly seeking a lover, a friend, a teacher, and a student. (maybe it's that venus in Sagittarius that's making me this way....)
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6 comments:
Fuck buddies are great, and in some ways better than a relationship, yet it too has it drawbacks. But without true love neither is really satisfying is it? I find the answer to be no. Sex is great and I love to have sex, but somd day love, true and pure love will be added into that mix and the rest is a fairy tale.
People throw around the word love too much. I think we had this convo about the sacredness of the word love. To find love is to be happy. To find lust is to have great sex, but it is not happiness, rather it is just contentness.
I want to close with a remark that has a hell of a lot of meaning behind it...
Sex is only important to those not getting it.
Really this is true in all aspects of the phrase. Recall when you got it on the regular, it was not all that special or important after the first week or ten, it wears down and you see it is only lust and or passion for phyiscally needs. If you do not get it, it is all you want, more or less. Odd how our minds work isn't it?
Yes, you are right. I can go tru FBs -- from one to another, for they just give me satisfaction for the moment (even tho they are nice people)? Why? Ultimately I want to fall in love again. Its been 2 years too long.... Yes I have been hurt on several occations, but at the end of the day, I want to wake up on sunday mornings, not thinking of "trekking" (well, only a little bit) and say to my partner as I kiss his lips: "hon, what do you want for breakfast? Shall we go out for brunch?"
and make love....
all my friends do it. They are all married and every sunday they probably go thru this routine. For once, I want to just say the same things that they do... one sunday, that's all I ask for. Is that too much?
NO it is not too much. All we gotta do is pick up an island and you can have that every day... no joke.
yeah, but don't we have to think about becoming an independant state with our constitution, join the UN, and have our own non-rules, and non-regulations?? the world would not accept us as an independant state without all these funky shit???
We need international funding, right, otherwise we will be a poor island -- even with the porn money?!
No yoru right it would be a task and a half to do, but I am down for the cause, but I cannot do it alone. So if your willing to get it up too, we can have ourselves a nation my dear. Oh yes, I will put in the work and the $ and the time to get it done. It would be a beautiful thing. A lot of work, but worth it to be free of governmental control. Well we would be the government for all practical purposes. And that I could live with.
What kind of constitutional rights do we extend to ourselves besides the basics of freedom such as speech, and control?
Hmmm, let me consult my "anon" friend, C, for he is full of rational (but sometimes harsh) ideas/criticisms of some of the "ideas" that I put to him... But the good thing is that he is older, is rational, and cares about my welfare.
There will need a lot of work for an island state... my old man was a diplomat fighting for independance in 1962... it will be an uphill struggle for us -- none that we have encountered before. Semi-independant state (economic zone?) would be easier, me thinks. But we need the tourists to pay our taxes....
Shit I'm too realistic!!!
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