Saturday, December 25, 2004

Jesus Was a Pisces, Not a Capricorn?!

Disclaimer: I'm sorry if I offend anyone who is a Capricorn, or even a Capricorn born on Dec.25th. This is just a thought, my theory on the actual date of Christ's birthday. Just because I have an opinion, it doesn't change anything. You are a Capricorn, and as soon as we finish Halloween, we will continue to be bombarded by Christmas ads, inflated prices for "Christmasy" items, re-runs of Wizard of Oz, A Christmas Carol, and all those old films shown on TV during this period, and children sending letters to (S)anti-Claus asking for something that they *need* to have.... Bah, humbug, and a Merry Christmas to everyone.

I'm not religious, but I have read the New Testiment during my "Religious Educaction" classes at school. I also have many close family members and compassionate friends who are Pisces. I have worked with many, hard working Capriorns, and I have observed their traits and what makes them motivated.... I have been musing with this idea for some time, and on friday I shared my idea with my good friend, C, who is a professional astrologer, and a painter, and after hearing what I had to say she agreed with me, and even told me that there is a circle of professional astrologers who had also made this observation.

Jesus doesn't exhibit too many Capricornian traits...

I don't think Jesus was born on Dec. 25th, or any time between Dec 22nd and Jan 18th for that matter. I think that Jesus was born sometime between Feb 19th and March 20th making him a Pisces. And that is my theory. Let me explain why I think he's a pisces:

Capricorn Traits:

Capricorn is a feet-on-the-ground, eye-on-the-prize sign. Those with Sun in Capricorn have a realistic, grounded approach to life that can be seen no matter how dreamy the rest of the birth chart suggests. These people know how to do things, and to get things done. (OK, stop right there. Here's a man with a steady job, his father's trade - carpentry. In those days carpentry will get you most places. If you are sensible you can even expand your family business so that your kids can carry on -- perhaps one of the girls can marry a blacksmith, another good trade. but no. At age 30, what does Jesus do? Go on a "journey" of self discovery.... Capricorn my arse!)

Capricorns like to pare things down, and take pleasure in the simple things in life. However, many are attracted to status symbols and these ones will wear the best clothes (tasteful ones!) and drive quietly impressive cars. (Hell! In all the pictures I've seen of Jesus, he is wearing tattered ol' clothes, doesn't even shave, and those fucking sandals! Where were the Fashion Police in those days?? Nah, he's defo not Capricorn)

Comparing Capricorns to their symbol, the goat, brings up some interesting analogies. Solar Capricorns can see into the future, and plan for it. They don't mind taking things slowly, but they absolutely aim to get to the top of the mountain in life! They make their way steadily and sure-footedly; and their strength and singleness of purpose are admirable. (Well, Jesus most certainly didn't plan anything did he? I mean, if he knew that there was going to be a crowd following him around, surely he would have said to one of his disciples, Ok, dude, do we have enough food to feed these guyz, coz I've only got 7Liras on me and I see no vendors around here. Hmm.... maybe this would be a good business opportunity. If I bring in the crowds, you guyz can open up hawker stalls and sell some Kebabs to these people. Oh and some wine too. Right, let's get some action going.... See, now that's a smart Capricorn in operation!! They are one of the most resourceful and hardworking people of the zodiac.)

Now, let's look at Pisces Traits:

As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the ability to identify with people from all walks of life--from all backgrounds--in some way. These individuals are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world. (Do I need to add any comments to this paragraph? First of all Jesus hung round with prostitutes (without using their services!) and leppers, and discruntled members of the fishing society... How many times did he have to go off on his own to talk to his "father" (inner voice) , because he was always confused about being "misunderstood", and oh why there is so much "suffering" around him. And his dying words:" My God, My God, why has thou foresaken me?" Eihew, Eihew, Oh Me Miserum... FUCK ME! Shit, I've heard more melodrama from a faggot who's just broken up with "his man"! Yes, L, that is soooo YOU!! And you know it!!! I *KNOW* you are a Pisces, don't deny it, my sparkly eyed friend! I hope things work out with C tho'...)

Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless, spacey manner is a deep person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose and their dreams transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity, and compassion that knows no bounds is found with this placement of the Sun. (See, that's why he quit a perfectly good, steady job like carpentry. He probably became a carpenter to please his parents, but waited till he was 30 to say, no, I want to do humanitarian things. This ain't me. Only a Pisces will just act upon his emotion like that. I bet he never even planned how much money he needs to keep his "humanitarian mission to save us from our sins", I bet he didn't have a business plan to run his NPO -- I know a Capricorn would have!)

Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches -- they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow some plan. (I bet you if you mapped out the route of Jesus's journey for those 3 years that he was trying to save our sins, you will see absolutely no pattern whatsoever! I bet it would look like a 2 year-old's drawing of a cat! Yes, Jesus puts a new dimention to the words "wondering like the lost tribe of Israel..."


One other thing that made me think Jesus was a Pisces was when I thought about the Nativity. Ovulation in ewes is stimulated by the amount of sunlight -- they basically come in season in the autumn. When you think of the gestation period of a lamb, the earliest you find lamb being born is in early Feb in warmer places, and the latest Early May. It's nature's way of protecting lambs from exposure, I suppose... Now WTF are there shepherds looking after lambs when Jesus is born? Why is he sharing a cradle with LAMBS??? Are they premature, and the vets/shepherds desparately trying to resusitate them? There is something wrong with the picture there, don't you think? Lambs in midwinter???

If I remember the old testament, it took the Jews an entire "book" of Exodus to get themselves from Egypt to Israel. The last time I looked at the world map, I remember that you only need to walk in a straight line (north east) to get from Egypt to Israel. Not that hard, once you get your coordinates, right? Unless they were permanently on Calamus or chewing Khatt all day long, that you couldn't be bothered to move; but these people took way too long to go in a straight line. They probably had no idea of basic navigation. How did people navigate in the old days before magentism and GPS? By looking at the stars. And how did people calculate the dates? By looking at the stars.... They probably had no clue which date Jesus was born on. The Israelites probably discovered economics before mathematics!!

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my musings (including all my good Jewish friends) , but there are many things that make no sense to me about Christ's birth. If someone had loads of time, money, and wanted to study this, perhaps they can discover Christ's real birthday and add another "Christmas" to our calendar -- say May 3rd -- so we can enjoy another round of commercial celebrations just before Easter!

What do you think?

(Post script: The DWR's sun sign is Libra with her moon in Pisces, Mars in Taurus, Venus in Sagittarius, Mercury in Scorpio, and an ascendant in Capricorn. If that means anything.... )

3 comments:

Ouija27 said...

So you wanna talk religion huh? Lets do it up for a short time here DWR...
First the idea of a Zodiac sign for the son of Christ is ridiculous. Now do not get me wrong, I am not defending the church or anything like that, Hell I am not ever sure if Jesus was here (it could all be a big hoax). Either way the signs would not apply to the son of God, assuming all this really happened.
Next let us remember that the Roman Catholic church, which I know most about, since I was one until the age of reason, lies. Yes it lies its fucking ass off. Not only does the church lie, but it covers up and hides truths from us. The main reason is that because if it were to give out the real info it has locked away in its vaults, it would soon go out of business. And let us not kid our selves, that what religion is a business.
Carl Marx said it well:
Reiligion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.
So very ture that it, so one must wonder if Jesus really did come. The only proof we have is a book. If Jeasus was so important why is it that we have no artifacts. You would think they would have kept something of his. But no we have nothing, the Church may have all the info you could want, but we will never see it because they are too busy trying to get their grubby little hands down the alterboy's pants. Those sick fucks.
Religion is in you. Watch 'Stigmata' for more detials... a great flick, not all true of course but you can get the general idea of it all.
Let me get back on track, why was Jesus born in a manager? The king had called a censens in the land and Joesph had to take his family (Mary with child) back to his home land. Well when were censensus done during that time? There is your answer... Something i do not know or even care to know. But it would be the eaisest way to find out.
But you are correct DWR most know that Jesus was not born on or anywhere near december, more than likely it was Spring just as you say.
But let us not forget about the lies and coverups to make the day Dec. 25. Honestly if it is all true God will not care what day we choose to celebrate X-mas, it is the meaning behind it, which is too far gone now to really ever get back. Yes folks the true meaning of x-mas is gone and is a thing of the past. Now it is just another holiday for the working stiffs in the world. And for the NEETs and the retired, it is just antoher day.
Kind of sad, but what can one do.
Just keep in mind the words of C. Marx, and ask, why would I want to know or want to even care?

Drunken Wench Rambler said...

Whoa! O, you sound traumatised by religion! Take another hit, my friend. Luckily I have been raised in a "religion? whatever, maaan" household so I believe that the bible is the best bit of science fiction written ever -- up there with the "Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy". I was musing on the idea of the "jesus" being a pisces, not a capricorn, after a conversation with my friend, C, who is a professional astrologer.

If such a person as "Jesus" ever existed in reality (I have absolutely no proof of his existance) he would be a fluffy bunny head according to da scriptures. I'm sure you were forced to read the bible, but don't you think they are funny?

A man that was a carpenter just ups and goes "I want to save lives" -- I know only pisceans who are *that* fluffy, and my astrologer friends agree. And lambs in mid-winter? Hell! I could come up with a better script than whoever wrote dat New Testiment stuff. A lot better! Homor's Oddesy, and Illidad are *much* better than whoever wrote the bibs as far as I am concerned.

Don't be traumatised by your weekly forced "go to church" thingy. Remember that your country is made up of religious "cult" members that got kicked out of Europe for their "beliefs"...

Whatever, and just join with me for a toke, babes, just take a hit, and you'll be fine.

Ouija27 said...

First I have not been to church since High School some 9 years ago, and it will prob be another 9 b4 I am in one agian. No matter I do not believe in all that shit, just like you. I have my personal belief in Karma and that is good enough for me.
And as for the hit... yes I would love one, could you pass me that pot of tea while I take my toke? (I need a refill in my cup dear M.)
Thank you so much... on ward and up ward...