Some of you may have met the "Soup Nazi" in episodes of Seinfeld. He's that angry, annoying proprietor of the "soup place", who dictates to his customers what they can do, and what they can't do. I personally have come across a few "soup noodle shop" Nazis who will tell you how to eat their soup noodles. I once had a Soup Noodle Nazi telling me that I had to first drink a bit of the soup on its own, then just eat the noodles on its own, then finally eat the noodle AND the soup carefully placed on the small ladle.
He was a very scary looking character (looked like a former heavy weight champion) keeping his eyes on me so I did exactly as I was told. I had seen him kick out a few customers earlier for not obeying him so I decided to keep a low profile so that I could eat my food in peace. There are probably over 3000 noodle shops in Tokyo, and I estimate that at least 20% are run as dictatorships.
The other day, however, I cam across a new breed of totalitarian eatery owner: The Teppan Nazi. I decided that day to treat myself to teppan yaki (style of cooking on a hot plate). I ordered a savory pancake called Okonomiyaki. I usually enjoy eating Okonomiyaki because you get the pancake mix, mix it up, and cook it on the hotplate all by your self (usually).
Simple. But nice.
One of the waitresses brought me my pancake mix containing finely chopped cabbage, bacon, onions, and cheese. (YUM, YUM!) As soon as I picked up my spoon to stir my pancake mix -- there he was. Out of no where appeared a man in a dirty apron shouting: "No, No, No!".
"You don't mix everything together at once! What the hell are you doing - here. I'll show you. First you take the bacon rashers, cook it on the hot plate, THEN you are supposed to put the mixture onto the plate. Make sure the temperature is juuuuuust right. Otherwise everything burns."
He took my pancake mix and proceeded to remove the bacon rashers, and mixed my pancake with a vigor of a patissier making a choux mix.
Wow, I guess I can leave it to his capable hands while I read my book in peace...
And suddenly, the Teppan Nazi revealed himself.
As he was mixing my pancake mix he turned his head to the other waiters and waitresses: "Oi, clean up that hot plate. What are you doing standing around? You. Go over there, those incompetent idiots are trying to flip that pancake, and it's not ready yet! God you people.... I PAY your wages, and You (turning to me). You're a woman and you can't even cook a pancake? What's wrong with the youth of today? Get rid of that book; watch how a *real* pancake is made. I don't want you reading while I am working on YOUR Okonomiyaki .
"Oi, didn't I tell you to clean that hot plate? And don't forget to wipe the tables -- before -- you get the customers to sit down.
"Oi! Flip that pancake! And don't press down once you flip it. Reduce the heat on the template and... are YOU paying attention to how I make YOUR pancake?"
I nodded.
(Fuck, he's a Teppan Nazi!)
He ranted on and on telling me how to tell the exact timing of when the pancake had to be flipped over, do not press down on the pancake once flipped over, coz otherwise you lose the fluffiness...
When he "deemed" that my pancake was ready, he put on all the condiments on it including mayonnaise (without asking me if I was allergic to eggs or not), and divided my pancake into 6 portions.
Eat this clockwise from the top right.
HUH??? Where did this idea/principle come from??? Eat clockwise? Start from the top right?? The heat is evenly distributed on the bloody hotplate, for fuck's sake!
He stood there, hands on his hips, watching me eat my pancake (Eat it while it's hot. Remember, clockwise!) as he shouted to his employees to clean this, flip that, sort the cash registry, etc.
Dear readers, I am going to be honest with you. I have eaten Okonomiyaki (pancakes) loads of times. I have lived in downtown Tokyo where there are loads of cheap, good Okonomiyaki places... but that was the WORST Okonomiyaki that I had ever eaten!! (it was undercooked AND it had mayonnaise on it!!)
How on earth can you fuck up a pancake up like that????
The funny thing is that the Teppan Nazi will never go out of business-- do you know why? He runs his dictatorship under... a franchise!!!
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6 comments:
Nice blog. I enjoy seeing the tokyo take on things; I should prolly post more osaka-ism items, as you have.
Yes, Brian, we live in a verrrry interesting country indeed. Very interesting...
Would like to C some Kansai killer blogs from you! DWR
A franchise or not, I would bet that he would go out of business in the US. So why would he be able to stay in business in Japan? If he was the owner, people would just stop going to that locatoin, if he was a manager, people would stop going there and complain, right? I do not know - please enlighten me.
yes, quite right. he *could* go bust, but the thing is that having a franchise name usually keeps the customers coming. "Brand Consious" people in will always look at the franchise name and say "oh, I know X. they make good pancakes!"
And I remember that particular day that there were a lot of people in his joint...
hmm... might go there a few times around the same time of the day just to see if he has "repeater" customers (apart from me, of course) just to do a bit of undercover market research....
(I an getting more excentric by the minute, no?)
no DWR, you get better by the minute. Keep on Blogging!
It's funny, but the "ganko o-yaji" (stubborn old guy) is the foundation of some of the best dining in Japan. This is particularly true in Osaka, where people are a bit more open, if brusk, than in Tokyo.
The weird bit about your experience was that you didn't get a meal that you enjoyed. If the place is regularly busy, it's likely that he's making it properly, but you've discovered a way of cooking yours that isn't standard. Alternately, he could be a screw up, and it's just a convenient place to eat.
OH! He could be a screw up, and you might be cooking yours properly, but he may have forced his way into your presence because he incorrectly assumed you didn't know how to make an okonomiyaki. You and everyone else like the place because the basic ingredients are good, but this guy could be a chump.
I'm sure there are other permutations, but I'm really jetlagged from a trip to the USA, and can't really think coherently. As this post shows, no doubt.
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