Has anyone come across a cross roads in their lives where they wake up saying to themselves: "What am I doing? Why am repeating what I did yesterday, that I will do once again tomorrow?" How important is that "business meeting" tomorrow morning? How much will I get out of that meeting, both in terms of persnal growth, and also my eminient promotition in my firm... but what does that mean?
Where are my dreams. What makes me smile...What is my Personal Legend...
In one of my most recent posts I announced to y'all about how I am going to "sell out!" and intoduce to you commercial sites where you can buy the books/DVDs/music to which I recommend.... while sublidising my time limited postings... This was to result of drinking a bottle of scotch to forget the financial, technical and business burdens of maintaining this site...
But alas, my consiouns does not allow for this to happen. I have a full time job. Maybe someday, somone might say" l like your work, can we place an ad' in there." Sure, if they were for a good cause, but first things first. Wrtie, Move my blog to my new home (once I get that FTP thing going, damn it!), and get off this PC, for the real stories that I want to write about are out there, it's out with the people. Not here... and the stories are often offered to me for free. Just as I spend my free time writing about them.
Where are my dreams. What makes me smile...What is my Personal Legend...
In one of my most recent posts I announced to y'all about how I am going to "sell out!" and intoduce to you commercial sites where you can buy the books/DVDs/music to which I recommend.... while sublidising my time limited postings... This was to result of drinking a bottle of scotch to forget the financial, technical and business burdens of maintaining this site...
But alas, my consiouns does not allow for this to happen. I have a full time job. Maybe someday, somone might say" l like your work, can we place an ad' in there." Sure, if they were for a good cause, but first things first. Wrtie, Move my blog to my new home (once I get that FTP thing going, damn it!), and get off this PC, for the real stories that I want to write about are out there, it's out with the people. Not here... and the stories are often offered to me for free. Just as I spend my free time writing about them.
I want to become this painting, so peaceful... Pablo Picasso 
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
Which road do I take? she asked.
Where do you want to go? was his response.
I don't know, Alice answered.
Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.
(Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)
Which road do I take? she asked.
Where do you want to go? was his response.
I don't know, Alice answered.
Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.
(Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)
Chesire Cat, the problem is that I do*know* where the passages lead me to. One path leads me to a difficult (challenging!), demanding, steady job with a fat, steady income, while I write as a hobby (when I have the time), vs. cutting down on my day job to devote more time to writing to post "quality", or at least posts that I am happy to publish... which I have not been doing for ages....
Dear Chesire Cat? Which road shall I take? And if you come with some lame excuse about it not being any different with what I am doing coz it matters, for I would be unhappy whatever the outcome. I may stoop as lows as to send a letter to Cosomo, (or worst still "Dr.Ruth) or something for some "Proper" advice, in addiiton to free advice on how to keep your men interested in sex....(not, much, there I guess)
Dear Cheshire cat. Which road shall I take? Or is there an alternave roue that you are not revealing to me???
Dear readers, crossroads asside -- in particular to those who make a small revenue from your blog... How did you feel when when you made the transition? Going from a free-style expression of your ideas, to actually getting paid for it?? How do you feel when you see the small children from poor neighbourhoods, faces that you interviewed, knowing that you are making money off them?
Perhaps I should keep this as a free site, for my consciounce will not rest too well...
(Procrastinating, Sober, DWR, but a proud Libra Blogger)
What do you think, readers, shall I do with my dilema?
Nutts and I no are closer to a conclution on this one....and I'm sure if we will ever get there...
Sometimes the cross roads can be full of very unhelpful oracles....
8 comments:
Dear Drunken-One. Whatever in the world are you babbling about. You've become far too introspective and are now so busy second-guessing yourself to be interesting, which is really a shame. I think that a few of us came hear to read about what you noticed in the world that was outside our ken. Minutiae that made no sense until you put up a glass that allowed us to see the forest for the trees. That's why we come - in the hopes of seeing ourselves and our worlds just a bit better, day by day. Not for self-flogging errata nor for some rant, but for the sheer joy of seeing something new in the painting we live in.
Far be it from the truth that this is totally encompassing, but this is the reason for at least a number of your visitors ... that and a grand cuppa.
humm... does the fact that I have been at home with flu for the past 5 days in bed and only having my kitties to look at thru a haze of drug enduced hallucinations???
I do not know if it is sunny outside today.... can you believe that?
What is the weather like at your place....
aggghhh... I feel like shite.
Sorry to hear that you are unwell and I do hope that the bird flu has not been visited upon you. What's more, I am sorry to hear that DTT's consulting arm was dissociated from the accounting portion and that NEC will own you by 2010. Being a part Japanese and a woman in a Japanese firm probably does not bode well for you professionally. Take it you'll be looking for a new place to call 'work'?
anannymous one... alas I am only human. I am not a machine that chugs out view and observations that I can present to you without my own research and convictions. Self absobed as I may seem. I still refuse to post stuff that is lamely researched before I present it to your eyes.
Call it my "Yamato Tamashi" if you like.
I am only human. I can only produce so much. I would rather produce nothing for days, than chug out daily crap. I would hope my readers/repeaters respect my will... I would prefer to be the corner shop sandwich shop that caters for all, than the mass produced burgerking 2 blocks down.
I was happier when I didnt have to worry about money and deadlines... Now I do, and that is why you are not seeing what I want to write. Fuck the money, fuck the technology, and fuck the deadlines. I can deal with them later. The essense is there within me. The Drunken Wench and her Rambling....
Shavasana leads only to the Sun Salutations. Happy smiles.
(p.s one of the reasons why I may have not made an exterior obersevation in days is coz I am stuck at home with my cats. No one else. Hopefully when I get better I will be armed with my digicam, out in full force, taking pics of random crap.) It they are *still* bad, let me know Why it's bad, and how I can improve on it. :) take care, c
remember I'm "introspectual" (INTP)
Poor sick DWR, all of us at The Horde Studio hope you start feeling better real soon.
As for the post, I want to say that I really dig the Cheshire cat, hell yeah. I just watched that flick a few weeks ago. Love it.
Anyway, choices are usually tough, but I am confident that you will make the correct decision. Of course you want to know what the correct answer is, well none of us really know, only you know what you really want. I have said it before in these comments and I feel it necessary to say again; I do not care if you post about Goofy and Micky kissing behind a tree or about the unfairness of life. Real, or BS, I am gonna read it. Do you remember why? It is your style girl, I like it a lot. See the hell with content, just let me read. I may stand alone on this side, but I want to see you rite with passion. Now that passion can be in the forgotten children or some make up story you feed to us. I dig both sides.
Having said that, I might suggest keeping the site a free site, unless you cannot afford to keep it up. If that is the case I would go back to a blog site before going commercial. But this is me, and there is really no advertising companies that would pay me to put their ads on my site. We do not get a lot of visitors. That is OK though, I cover all costs because I like to do it, if I started to get paid to do it, never happen, but if, I would feel pressure to meet deadlines and live up to some expecations. I am not into that. So I keep it low key and free. Notice I do have a NORML banner on my site and do ads for other Inner Circles, in a certian place. But that is cause I like their sites and am proud to advertise for them, kinda sorta advertising anyway.
But that above paragraph is just me. I would either keep the blog, or do a free site, that you can update as will. Post BS if you want, or take your time and write as well as you can and then post it. Once you have enough good stuff (Personally I think you already do though) I would try to publish it as a book, then sell the book and make your money that way. Again this is just me talking.
I am done now, sorry for the excess in post.
Dear o, and c, your comments always cheer me up. Thank you for your support. Must admit I was never going to have AMZN.com pasted over my blog... that really was not my intension.
I will have a good think about my directions for now on (professional procrastinator here) -- looking for a new job now. Have several interviews, but told them that I will not start till April so I can get my Yoga, diving, and most important of all get my move to that *damned* site of mine....
have a lovely holiday, both.
*coughing, wheezing, and splutterng DWR*
p.s. the picture I posted... well that's x-actly how I feel right now... :(
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