In Love With the Idea of Being In Love

Many of the blogs that I randomly come across are dedicated to the "L" word. I even noticed on the blog dashboard that Breakup Babe has signed a deal on her first book. (Well done, BB, way to go! Not only have you risen from the ashes, you get to make a profit out of the arsehole that made you miserable!! Congrats!) I often wonder about how people view love, for there are various forms of love: the love for your parent, the love for your children, the love for yourself, and also (the most often written about) the love for your partner.

I have a good male friend, A, who I often dine with, and we always end up discussing the same topic: the affairs of the heart.

DWR, I need to get myself a Japanese girlfriend.

Why?

Coz I could do with the companionship, and she can teach me Japanese at the same time. I'm not looking for anything serious yet. I'm not really ready to settle down, I mean, I travel a lot, and all my relationships always end because it becomes a long distance relationship...
(he sounds to me like a "career minded" woman in her late 20's. Wait till you hit the big Three-O phase, then you'll be changing your tune to a more militant one!!)

Excuses, excuses.

Well, A, if companionship is what you need why don't you just hang around with your friends, if you need to get laid, go and have a wank, or go to a bar and pick up a woman, or in the worst case seek professional help (but make sure you respect her body, and also yours!!). And if you need to learn Japanese, why not enroll in a language school? All this would be cheaper than maintaining a Japanese woman -- they are high maintenance, you know?

Yeah, but you know.... I want to be in love....

Aha! Now he's got the honesty hat on!

He is in love with the idea of being in love, but for some reason (it's usually a nasty break-up, old baggage from the "one that got away", or scarring from bitter experiences) he's afraid of being in love. That's the only logical explanation that makes sense to me: why would someone intelligent like him look for someone desparately to fill his time and empty heart, and to block out that which he wishes most for and is afraid to welcome into his life: love.

He cannot stop thinking about it, and in the year and a bit that I have known him, he has moved from one dead-end relationship to another.

Do you know people like that? I do. I know far too many of them...

Many of my female friends are "sexually liberal" women in their 30s. Think Samantha from Sex and the City -- that's them. And just like my female friends, my dining buddy flutters from one lover to the next, just like butterflies in a summer meadow. But when you sit down with them -- one on one -- after a bottle of Chardonay the truth comes out.

I want to be in love.

And the stories of bad breakups and abusive relationships start to pour...
(We all want to love and to be loved; that I think is universal.)

I sometimes wonder why they do this to themselves. Smile on the outside, and cry on the inside. It doesn't make you tough; it only makes you bitter. I am fully supportive of my "sexually liberal" friends, but only if they are happy with their freedom... and they are not.

I'm a hardcore singleton. I have been single now for nearly 2 years (2 years in December, in fact). I think my last date was sometime in July this year..... When I first broke up I was also scared and afraid to enter the dating circles for the fear of being hurt once more. But once the healing process got to a point where I was OK about meeting new people I chose a different path to most of my friends. I said to myself -- why would I want to find someone to fill an empty space in my heart? It's fine when they are there, but if they leave, it will feel empty again, for it was never full in the first place.

I'm going to fill my own heart, and share it with that special person.

My dinner buddy, A, asked me the other day: So, DWR, what kind of men are you looking for?

The answer is simple: a friend, a lover, a teacher, and a student. Someone to share a complete heart, not someone who will complete it for me.

Yes, dear readers, I am also in love with the idea of being in love...

Which brings me to my next blog called Encounters.