And no, I do not have puffy eyes from crying all night, because Cutie and I broke up even if it was a brief relationship. We are still together, still a bit silly, goofy, and sleepy (for me at least, considering that he lives almost 13hrs behind me. But he still amazes me with his ability to stay awake for days), but that is not the reason why I have puffy eyes this morning.
Pollen. Cedar pollen to be exact.
There is one extra season in this country, neither winter, nor spring, which I call "orgy season" when the cedar forests located to the west of our giant metropolis decide to just go for it, full on, shake their tushes, and release in extasy their pollen in search for that, moist, wet, flower. Unfortunately those naughty pollen can't tell the difference between cedar flowers and the moist membranes of my eyes and my nasal passages. They are like stupid sperm that sitts there butting their heads, trying to release their "package of life", against the anal cavity wall. Wrong membrane cedar pollen, wrong membrane. You're not going to procreate like that.
And now, I have puffy, itchy eyes. The cedar pollen waft over in multitude at this time of the year that in addition to the weather conditions, UV. rays , and pollution levels, the weather man tells us how much pollen there is going to be attacking my conjunctiva that day. I have already seen a few people wearing goggles, much like those I used to wear during my chemistry class at school, on the trains. They look a bit silly, I know, but anything to keep those horney buggers out of my eyes. (I'm thinking about getting them too, if not I will have the drunken wench friends tellling me, "aaahh, broken up with Cutie? Nevermind, let's go out for a drink.")
My mother also suffers from hayfever so we will have to go thru a "routine" just to enter the house: first before we open the front door we brush the pollen off, much like one would brush off snow from our hat and shoulders, second we remove our outer clothing, spray it with Fabreze and hang it by the doorway BEHIND the screen, and third (finally) we have a shower to rid us of those potent allergens, and have an Optrex eye wash.
Phew. All that to get INTO the living room, to settle down after a long hard day... all because it's orgy season for the fecking horney cedar trees. And you know the irony of it all? If I go hiking in the cedar forests I do not get hayfeaver. Why? The cedar trees are blowing pollen in the WRONG DIRECTION!!!! There aren't any cedar punany in the city!!!!
(or maybe cedar trees are blowing in the wrong "hole" so to speak, and have no intention of reproducing. Shit, cedar trees are gay! They are EYE bandits!!!!)
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8 comments:
It sounds like masturbation to me. You're in the midst of a huge cedar circle jerk.
They want to get off once in awhile too you know. You're not the only one. ;)
The end of your post was hilarious by the way! You don't often hear tree sexuality being discussed in such a frank and medical way. Hehe. Cheers.
ah, but did it put a little smile on your face, Joe? Did it?
On a more disturbing note, I just had a horrible vision of cedar "blowing" up my nose -- ouch! That would STING/STINK!!
(shake that thought, Nutts, just shake that thought!)
What an ordeal just to get into your home DWR. I will count myself lucky not to be bothered by pollen. But the idea of trees being sexual... yeah that is funny. But what I am wondering are about these goggles you speak of... do you have a picutre of what they look like?
as per requested, I have the picture of the funky ugly goggles linked to the post. Check them out, they are really, really ugly!
Thanks for the link DWR.
Yes they are funny looking. They remind me of saftey goggles that one would wear when working in a factory. Or in a lab as you suggested before. Well good luck with them if you pick a pair up!
So, you're going for the ultimate safe date now? Having them *going* to leave wasn't quite safe enough!? Now you can have the boyfriend and not, too. Wow, what a concept. You do know that now you can get 'virtual' partners in the UK and Japan? You pay a monthly fee and they ring you up, write you letters/email, and toss you in the bin if you don't treat them well.
Umm... I don't know what to say about these virtual "partners" that you have to pay to send you letters and call you up... I think Cutie will not approve, even BEFORE that I do not approve. That to me is cheating on Cutie. And no, I don't pay him, and no I'm not going to "toss" him.
:( I made a comment before but it's not being shown... maybe it will turn up one of these days.
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