No Place Like Home....

For some strange reason, I always feel at home when I stay in hotels. Right now I am staying at Hotel Okura, where our company is holding a conference for "female leaders" (or something). Last night at the end of the the conference I came to my hotel room only to find crisp linen, pre-arranged flowers on my pillow, stiff (but nonetheless comfortable) furniture, and chlorine bleached, thick towels that greeted me. It sounds really clinical, and very unfriendly, but to me it is one of those things that I have gotten used to over the years. This is my second home -- my home when I am away. All the comforts that I seek apart from my little kitties...

HOTEL ROOMS.

I know that many of you may think that I am crazy to even think that a sterile, crisp environment is one in which I find loads of comfort, but I can tell you all what -- I LOVE IT! I love being given clean bed linen each day. I love being given new towels every day, I love having my litter bin cleared out every day, and most of all I *LOVE* room serivce.

Let me tell you about something related to room service on other people's money. It's called "so can't give a shit, coz it ain't my money" syndrome. I have lived with this horrible disease for the past 5+ years... (I think), and I can't seem to find a cure... My dinner including wine tonight cost me just over US$1200. Impressive for a two course meal for one person, right? (and the funny thing is that I have spend nearly twice this amount at the Marriot in Singapore!)

Living in HK I have experienced living in "Hotel Room" like conditions in the form of 6day a week serviced apartments. I also found the same situation in Singapore and also in Korea: my place was cleaned by at least 2 lovely women who even taught me a few lessons about housecleaning which I will never practice in my entire life... Ever.

During my depressive states, I often wake in my sterile double bed, four pillows surrounding me wishing that I can live this life forever.

If only....

Oh Dear...

Poor Sunshine.

I kind of feel sorry for him today -- it's been nearly a week since he went off to Singapore to answer to his BIG boss, the regional business head, who everyone refers to as SB, about the state that our project is in. SB was obviously not too pleased to hear that such a large, risky project has come to a halt for now. Today I had a chance to talk to Sunshine about settling accounts with our vendors, and he sounded like he was having a bit of a hard time with what's been going on.

"Hello, DWR. Yes, yes, please fax me the approval form so that I can sign it and settle the bills; I'll leave the rest up to you, please contact the financial controller before monday."

"Sunshine, where have you been tracking the project costs? I need to double check with the invoice that we have received."

"Oh, shit, well, I have not had captial appropriation for this project, so I was going to expense everything until I got the OK from headquarters. I was going to start tracking budget vs. actuals once I got full approval."

"Great... I'll tell you what, why don't you just leave it with me -- just don't even bother to think about the small things, you just deal with SB. I will create a master schedule for this project, and give you an actual cost based on all the activities and deliverables. I'll look at the contract, work out from there what needs to be paid, and what needs to be pushed back.
And please, from now on, just let us in IT deal with the daily management of this project; IT project management is our core competency, not yours. We will just report to you, so that you can keep the CEO happy. How about that?
"

"Thanks DWR... you've been of great help. I really appreciate your input and support on this project...."

And with that, Sunshine trailed off. I think he's getting bollocked by SB. Oh well. Once he returns from Singapore next monday, we can all try to cheer him up DWR tyle -- go out on the piss! YEAH! (and this time, I'll give him some slack if he starts to tell us stories of his sexual conquest during his business trip.)

And The Walls Came Tumbling Down...

The walls of Jericho came tumbling down when Joshua came with his band of merry men. Unfortunately there were no trumpets, nor was there any divine intervention when a few walls of the ivory tower came down on thursday last week.

Let me explain.

Our CEO approved of our IT project on the condition that we did some hardcore Business Process Reengineering (BPR) -- basically that means that he wanted some major changes in the way the business is run. Sunshine and the boyz of the Ivory Tower are responsible for the BPR, and we in the Engine Room are responsible for getting the system implemented.

But the CEO was pissed off...

He was pissed off that the Ivory Tower were not doing their job properly, and put a stop on the project until his wishes were granted. Sunshine announced on friday that we will be putting the project on hold while the members of the Ivory Tower get their act together so that the project can continue...

For FUCK'S SAKE!! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER BOYZ!!!!! NOT ONLY DO YOU PISS ME OFF WITH YOUR CRAP, YOU FUCK UP MY PROJECT!!

Right! Action Plan from the DWR: "Project Management, Program Management, Ivory Tower Management, Stick a stick up the CEO's arse (management), "Get a life and go to yoga classes on weekdays"-style time management, "Do some serious Blog research" management....

Management, management. (Such wonderful ideals, don't you think? If only I could change the world...)

"I'd like to bring the world to sing, in perfect harmony, I'd like to put an end to this, pathetic company."

Outlook Meeting Request: DWF Action Plan

(Today, dear readers, I am writing a post with my dear DWFs, Y and A. We are celebrating the football results of Japan vs. Stalinist North Korea (Mansei!!) -- actually this is just another poor excuse for us to contribute to the Chilean wine industry. This post is going to be a freestyle convo recording.)

Y: I am not happy, A, with your resource planning for your fridge. Beer is M-Teeee! Last weekendo (just 2 days ago), you habu meny meny beeru (beer). Wai!

(All laugh!)

A: No MRP (material resource planning) in this house. Today surprise audit for my fridge contents.... didn't expect, nor did I pass the audit.

(too fucking right! not enuf booze in dis house!!)

DWR: I cannot believe that we are sitting here in A's kitchen all writing my blog with not enuf booze, and no one has even volunteered to replenish the stock in the fridge, which is packed full of old, frozen steak.... Why there is so much steak, and not enuf booze, I do not know... anyway...

A: You should have just let me fucking go to 7/11 and go buy the booze!

(umm... it would take you more than 30 mins, by which time we would all have gone cold turkey and not been able to function properly.)

Y: DWFs should live up to their names and have their fridge stocked to the brim with booze, damn it!

DWR: Too fuckin' right!

A: Let me run to the store then.

(riiiiight... we would have left your house by then, to go home to our "stocked" fridge!!)

DWR: I love you guyz! You take all the stress out of my fuckt up day!!!

(CHEERZU! Let's have another round of booze.)

p.s.: DWR: A, why do you have a "Hello Kitty" doll in your kitchen?

Y: Oh it's from that Korean chick -- did she dump you?

A: Eh! I'm not getting into that, OK? Not my fucking fault, right?

DWR:... say no more, like I said. Let's have another drink

Drunken Indeed... Drunken.

Weeeeeee!

back fuuuuukt as hell from company dinner that I organised for a guest from Oz -- just got told that I am doing a wonderful job from the boyz in the ivory tower, including Sunshine.

Sunshine even wanted me to move permanantly into the ivory tower and to go out with the other boyz after dinner that I organised. He even gave me a cummunal "HUG"(!) when we all said goodbye....

Men are so simple.

No Smoking Please!

The CEO of our company is renouned within the organisation for sending funny emails -- personally -- to his employees. Two days before the company's annual conference in Bangkok last year, he sent out an email to all employees saying that anyone caught in Pat Pong, a seedy, nightlife area in Bangkok will be fired. On the spot. (Why is it that my company's employees have to be reminded not to go to dodgy brothels in Bangkok? Oh, I forgot. He sees the "trash" in the Ivory Tower all the time, he's bound to think that is the norm in the company.)

Yesterday our CEO sent out one of his famed personal emails on smoking after one of the local residents complained about our employees smoking at a children's playground.

(Translated from the original email)

From: CEO
To: All Employees

Subject: **Important Notice: No Smoking Please!**

Hello Everyone.
There has been some claims from local residents of a kiddy's playground who were disturbed by the mountains of cigarette butts left by the nicotine addicts of our firm. The local authorities have notified me that they will be removing the ashtrays from the playground as of June 6th. HOWEVER, I will state that from this day forward the kiddy's playground is a SMOKE FREE ZONE. Even if you take your own ashtray you are forbidden to smoke there. (remember, it is a KIDDY'S PLAY GROUND not a cancer zone for those with a death wish.)

CEO,
DW Company

TOO FUNNY! A CEO of a large multinational company has the time to send funny emails like this!!! Oh and the idiots who need to be repremanded about littering in public? I want to see their faces!! Must admit that I usually delete the 50+ emails that come into my inbox everyday, but this one I will keep in a special folder called "CEO Rantings".

Confucius Dinner Meetings

Confucius say:"The people may be made to follow a path of action, but they may not be made to understand it."

RIIIIIIGHT!

Does that mean that I have to blame "men" kind on behalf of the likes of Sunshine??? Do I have to blame testosterone for the fact that men openly (encouragingly) cheat on their wives and their loved ones? Do I have to blame society for it's apathy towards the treatment of minority groups -- whether it is women, or disabled people? If I had a child that committed a crime against humanity, am I supposed to blame the "environment" or "genetic factors" for what it did?

Fuck that, Confucius! I need another drink...

(yup, it is going to be a long while before I tell you about me and Nick, coz I need to vent BIG TIME about what is going on in my life in general!!! Grrr, and yes, I need another drink.)

Yup. Dinner with my team-mates didn't go as smootly as I had hoped it would...(go figure, this was posted at 2:48am!!!)

Sun Tan

I have been observing the workings of Sunshine et. al. I have also been observing public opinion and movement towards how women are treated in Japan. I have looked into child pornography, and also perves on trains, and all I can say is that this place needs some radical changes in the way it treats its minority groups (incl. women)

Which brings me back to Sunshine.

Sunshine and his band of merry men are scheduled to have dinner with my big boss tomorrow evening. I have in the past put up with Sunshines sexist remarks and tales of conquest in establishments that can only be discribed as "phantom" harems for men who have an ego problem. I have sat listening to the "boys'" sexual conquest at Sydney Airport, I have also sat thru 2 days of "this is the type of women that I love to screw" stories from Sunshine et al. and I have protested in a nice way all along.

Tomorrow evening I am having dinner with my big boss, the VP of Information Management in our organisation. The VP is a family man, and has kindly asked me in private if I was "OK" with the way that Sunshine was treating me during our last dinner when Sunshine called me "Babe" in front of everyone... (no I am not too happy about it!!)

I must admit that I am not too religious, but I am going to pray to God this evening:"Dear Lord, please give me the strength to stay in focus all day long, and not bust Sunshine's balls to shits. Please give me the courage, Lord, to keep my sharp tongue in my mouth, and not lash out at the arse that I may be licking tomorrow, even tho I am not into that sort of thing. And please Lord, if you are doing any major projects to remove bad or corrupted files from our planet, do not forget the likes of Sunshine and his pals on the 10th floor, coz I think they need to be....

Ctrl+Alt+Deleted. "
(otherwise can you just defrag me instead. Amen.)

I think that I have had enuf sunshine that I think I am getting a bit of a sun tan.

No More Perverts, Please!

From May 9th my commuter line started running "Women Only" carriages during rush hour in the mornings on weekdays. It is the third private railway company in Tokyo to reserve carriages for women in the mornings after a large number of reported sexual assult cases on their trains. Tokyo is a hub of perverts who take pictures of women's underwear using cameras on their phones, who grope women's bodies, and who openly engage in onanism and "leave their mark" on our garments. I, too, have been a victim of these perves, but unfortunately it is difficult to pinpoint the culprit, for the train is just too crowded to even turn our heads.

The other day I decided to take the "women only" carriage, only to find it just as crowded, if not more, than the other carriages. I guess that there are many women who are just fed up being treated as a "sexual toy" by strangers who can't control their testicular urges. I must admit that even tho' it was packed on the train, I felt safe being in a feminine environment with my fellow sisters.

Unfortunately the "Women Only" carriage becomes a "unisex" carriage as soon as the clock strikes 9:30am, at which time the dirty scroundrels rush onto our oestrogen-train, sniffing our perfumes and pheromones, their minds off to the set of an amateur porn shoot where they are the leading men, and we their slaves.

Dirty little feckers!

I thought that we could be immune from these horney dawgs, but no. Make a carriage only for women, and all they do is try to infiltrate it. Well, we are not going have any more of your stupid antics; we are going to come in and bust your balls coz we are fed up with having cum stains on our skirts when we get to the office. We are fed up of the underground pornography that depicts our underwear that you filmed without our permission, and we are going to push for the railway companies to run Women Only carriages ALL DAY!!!

We've had enuf: "No More Perverts, Please!"

Spam, Spam, and Spyware

Look at my page!! What is going on!!! There are funky, ugly links in there that some stupid, spamerama spyware has embedded! It's on ALL my posts, which means that I have to go into all my posts to remove the ugly HTML code that decided to lay root in my inner voice.

Fuck! I don't need this on a sunday afternoon!

GRRRRRRRRR!

Drunken Project Members

I discovered last night after dinner that my project team members are all seasoned alcoholics. We sat in Sunshine's suite till 3am drinking and talking B.S. The boyz were on full form: going on and on about some of the women that they are/were having an affair with, and of course Sunshine was giving us an insight into some of his past relationships, and why he is still single.

Apparently he is "commitment phobic".
(as if I give a damn)

I can already tell that this project I am on is going to be a drunken, hungover one. All of us were at the conference room by 8am this morning, freshly showered and raring to go. None of us seemed to be hampered in any way; in fact I think we were all high until lunch time.

We are all drunken project members, which is probably not good for my health...

Repacking...

FUCK! It does not seem that long ago since I came back from Oz, and I am now repacking my "home" (Samsonite) to go off on another business trip. I wouldn't mind it so much if I was going by myself and things were all going to be "funky-dorey", but I have to spend ANOTHER 2 nights with "Sunshine", which pisses me off. Do I have to listen to his sexist remarks for another couple of days?

I guess so...

Ray Of Sunshine In The Ivory Tower

Every company has it's own culture: some are much more "people" focused, others are more focused on innovation and vision, but whatever the corporate culture evidently people chose to work for a specific company based on how they feel that they will fit in. Even as a graduate entering the job market for the first time in your life, you wouldn't necessarily chose to work for an arse-hole company even if they paid you lots of money (ok, there are some who will work for the big $$$, but those are the ones who tend to pass away early, often under violent circumstances.)

It has now been nearly 2 and a 1/2 weeks since I started at my new company, and I have now started to get a good idea about internal politics, and the "true" corporate culture: the one they never tell you at the interview. The culture they so desparately go to extends to hide carefully...

My desk is on the 5th floor of our office building. I'm part of the IT department, which, I suppose, acts like the foundation to support the business; it's ironic that all the "business divisions" are located in the floors above us. We are the "engine room" of our company. However, the further you go up, one gets closer to the "Ivory Tower" where all the high profile people and their elitist "boys" are seated. The Ivory Tower is where the coroporate finance, corporate strategy, etc. goes on, and that is also where most of my project's team members have their desks. And in the open, Scandinavian-style cubicle opposite the CEO's office sits "Ray of Sunshine".

Ray of Sunshine is definately bright, full of energy, charismatic, rich, and to look at he is a classic, oriental "tall, dark, and handsome" person (if that is your taste). Most people in my dungeon department when they hear of his name either blush, or shy away as they say:"Sunshine of the Ivory Tower... He's your project manager, isn't he DWR? What is he like?" In honest truth, after spending 2nights and 4 days on a business trip with Ray of Sunshine I can tell all the little people who work on the 5th floor in my department that he is a prick. A chauvenistic, air-headed, prick who knows sweet F.A. about Business IT, and he's always full of shit.

How did I come to this conclusion? Simple. He called me "Babe" in front of my Big Boss, the VP of Regional IT, when we were invited out for dinner in a posh restaurant. Sunshine *acutally* had the audacity to say to me in his drunken state:"Go on, babe! Give it to me, babe!!" -- what a prick!!!

Must admit that I pulled Sunshine aside later on in the evening and told him off for treating me this way, but if he is a classic example of how the workers of the Ivory Tower behave, I have a rough 18+ months -- perhaps even YEARS -- ahead of me... The Ivory Tower has a very different culture to the friendly one in the Engine Room.

Back From Oz

Fucking hell!!!

I'm back from Sydney after having spent 2 nights and 4 days in the land down-under. I didn't have time to go and see my friends, I didn't have time to go and see the sights, and I most certainly didn't have time to keep up my personal hygiene -- all I did was work and drink with my colleagues... who are chauvenistic, elitist IIIIIIIDIOTS!! (but unfortunately they get the job on time, and with high quality... how can I cut them lose!!!)

My home (aka. the suitcase) is still in the corridor, for I can't be bothered to unpack: I'm off on ANOTHER F'IN business trip next wednesday. House keeping cleaned all the contents of my house so I really do not have the need do change the status quo of my Samsonite.

I think that I am sufficently pissed off with the "little boyz" who were on the business trip with me to Sydney that I will expose their silly antics, but for now I am tired after having spent 9 hrs on a plane, but having had to walk straight into the office looking like an imp with greasy, manky hair...

I need to get some sleep.

Clean, fresh, post-shower sleep.

Living Out Of A Suitcase...

I have lived out of a suitcase since I was 10 years old (I grew up in a boarding school, but I will tell you about that later). This evening I have to pack my suitcase (again) for a business trip to Sydney. Business trips sound glamourous, but they are really quite boring; they are not much more than an extension of a rush hour commute. Instead of spending 1.5hrs on your way to work, you spend 9hrs (including your beauty sleep) on a comfortable, 1st class treatment to your office.

For 2 days.

That is the reality of business trips. It is neither glamourous, nor wonderful. For any graduates who are thinking of getting into an industry that invovles "International Travel", I want to stress that often you spend 3hrs+ at airports getting from A to B, you are expected to go to the office even after a 9hr flight, and that there are no showers on board... even on 1st Class.

Living out of a suitcase sucks!

Fringe Benefits

I love fringe benefits.

For someone who spent a lot of time consulting various companies on how to reduce costs and increase profits I have taken full advantage of the stationary cabinet and added significantly to the SG&A of the companies that I have worked for. Not only did I used to get free internet access, use of PC, and stationary, I have also used the corporate card for "Entertainment Fees" that just would not hold water if I had worked for the accounts department. Consulting is an industry where you can just get away with using other people's money. And the more you can abuse the fringe benefits system, the better you are at your job.

I now peddle my arse to a pharma/consumer business/medical devices company. I no longer have the fringe benefits that I used to enjoy at the Pink Elephant... Not only do I now have to pay for my own stationary, but also I cannot install my own software on my work PC, I can't use IM, my internet traffic gets monitored by some Bozo in Singapore who will fire me for looking at "adult" sites in my free time, and I have to sign a piece of paper every year that says that I will not abuse the system.

Fuck that.

Luckily I have many ways to by-pass the system, and I will continue to be a blog warrior using my fringe benifits. My company does not pay me enuf to abide by their rules. I work for the IT department so I can cover my own arse! Never in my life have I *not* had fringe benefits, and I am not about to change my habits either.

Vivre la Fringe Benefits!

Lovely Nick

Shit... before I talk about how lovely Nick is, I better go to bed. It is now 2am in the morning, and I need to get my fat arse into the office for 8am tomorrow.

Nick is lovely, and I suppose I better share my time in Wisconsin with him another time.

Fuck!! I hate having a "steady" job; I wish I was on my own time and my own deliverables. I started with my new office on the 18th of April, and I have already racked up receipts for business trips. I am off to Australia next week, and I have no idea when I can next take time off to see Nick.

Bollocks!

Losing the Plot

No. I am not referring to me losing the plot; I can't lose what I never had in the first place. I am talking about the Wench Mum. I think that she is really losing the plot. I have a blog called The Wench Mum Chronicles where I write about some of the eccentric things that my mother gets up to, but after today's outburst I am not sure if I should continue to write about her antics as before.

It's quite scary...

The Wench Mum and I were supposed to go shopping today; I had said that we will leave the house around 10am, but unfortunately I fell asleep at around 9am after spending the entire night on my PC. Mum gave up on the idea of shopping all together even tho I woke up at 1pm and told her that we had plenty of time to look for some computer accessories for her. I know that I should have upheld my promise to leave at 10am, but hell it's a holiday, and leaving 3hours later than planned is probably slightly annoying, and not much else.

But, the saga didn't stop at a slight inconvinience.

The crazy woman started to punch the walls and kick furniture till her knuckles started to bleed!!!!!! WTF!!! How crazy is that! She was just screaming at a high pitch coz she was seriously pissed off that I had disrupted her plans and was ready to start hurling shit out of the window!! I told her to calm down but she was shouting and throwing things at me. This is a 60 yo woman throwing a temper tantrum like a 2yo; the scary thing is that this is not the first time that she has acted in this manner.

The woman is exhibiting signs of neurodegeneration which could be attributed to senile dimentia, Alzheimer's, or even CJD. If indeed her brain is atrophying due to old age, it won't be long before she can't remember who I am, or where she lives...

Fuck. I need a drink.

Cul De Sac

There was a 1.5 month break in between my postings in the March/April period. Some people may have blamed it on my official break in between jobs, others may have attributed it to my visit to the US to see Nick. To be honest with you, I have no idea why I have no urge to write.

Usually I would be walking down the street, day dreaming in the station, or even spending time in the restroom and there would be ideas running through my mind like worker ants rushing towards the nest before the precious eggs hatch, but for the past 2 months nothing seems to come into my head.

I have been trying to increase external stimulus to encourage my mindset, but everything that I seem to do has had no results, which is one of the biggest reasons why there has been such a gap between my postings...

Does anyone have any good ideas on how to get the DWR back on track like she used to?? Or maybe she will never get there again and needs to be told... Is the apathy due to my clinical depression, or is it just that my mind is somewhere else? Once again in my life I am a bit lost....

Heeeeeelllllpppp.

(Oh well, if nothing comes to my mind I will just not write; I can't do any better... right?? Shit, whichever way, if I feel like shite I know that I can call up Nick who is 14hrs behind coz I can rely on him to be there for me when I am feeling crap...)

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!!

(Post script: the kitties are bothering me for food so I will leave this issue to be solved at a slightly later time/date. Why is life so complicated?!?)

Back Now, WTF Is Going On!!!!

Have I been hacked to death by some psycho who lives in Wisconsin while I have been away for the past month??

No.

(Nick is a lovely person, and he would never dream of turning me into minced meat. I am very much alive.)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Bloody hell! Just got back from the US (2 weeks ago) after visiting Nick, and I see that: a) many people have left a comment, b) people have a strong opnions/views about Katz & Dawgs, c) the Pope is dead, d) the Chinese populous is protesting about our occupation in the middle of the last century, e) the stock prices are taking a "scuba" dive, f) the "beef crisis" and the trade deficite amongst Japan, US and China is looking about as appetising as my cat's fur ball, g) the pharmeceutical industry is still making money/profits out of sick and dying people, h) my good friend and neighbour Kim Pong Pill (Kim Jong Il) has made another lot of cheap nuclear bombs, etc. Shit!!! I just can't keep up!!!! Maybe I should leave my topics to a narrow spectrum and start a detailed, scientific observation on canines vs. felines, re-evaluate the relationship between China and Japan, or perhaps expose my new company about its dubious business practices!!!

(For those that are new to this site, I work for a big pharma/medical devices company, but I ethically oppose the industry's practices... yes I prostitute my knowledge and services: "Would you like me to put in some sand in the vasceline while you shaft my rectum with a barge pole???")

Ummm..... Ok, seeing as I had a bit of a break let's begin by filling in some of the gaps. I'm now back from my month(+) holiday in the US. I had a wonderfully relaxing time with Nick, but in the meantime I have had many topics in my head that I wanted to cover, including the Chinese nationalist computer hackers, my new job, me and Nick, my catz, my life in Tokyo, weirdos on commuter trains, and anything else that goes on in my life.

But...*plonk* (bottle opening) Ok, I'm too tired, maybe another day.... I am only human. I can't write every day, nor can I pick up a new topic and research it in detail so that I can come up with something that I can feel happy about that I can share with you. I hate to admit it, but it's probably 'coz I don't have enuf happy pills to keep me going with the level of energy that I demand, or expect for myself.

Sorry. Shit happens, and bullshit runs a marathon. But one thing that I can say is that I am still a silly drunken wench. That's good enough, right???

Anyway, before I continue to hand out lame excuses about my 5+week absence I want to thank the following people who left their mark on my site/visited my site and sent me an email (in the order that was written):

• Oh Please Mind The Head/"JimBob"
• Saby
• Kezza/Missy
• Ogri
• Stacie
• Arc of Polaris
• Rex Venom
• Nina
• AGFH
• Miranda
• Anon (C)
• Sketchy Jeoff(x2)
• Buzzy
• Ouiji
• Anon (S)
• LeftoverJoe
• + Everyone else who read my stuff but didn't leave a message, or to those that I have missed in my list so far.

Phew!! Being fucked up and depressed isn't easy, huh???

*Right, let's crack open another bottle of CabSauv, and start on the next bit.*

Cheerz everyone!