It’s Complicated

 It's complicated on many fronts. Many.

First, I am still married to my S2BX (Soon to be ex) and although he says he's done, his actions are nothing but holding on to this dead horse of a marriage for dear life. I'm now having to breakdown the disintegration of this marriage into two pieces: child custody and assets. (more on that later)

Second, I have a teenager who has been an only child all his life. To have a step brother or sister that would take attention of his mother, during a contentious divorce, is not going to be conducive to his emotional health as he navigates the challenges of puberty. 

Third, I am a mother of advanced age. A geriatric pregnancy, so to speak. My first pregnancy was also a geriatric pregnancy, which didn't end well, as my son ended up spending 4 months in the NICU for being born too early. I was told by my obstetrician to make sure I check myself into hospital the next time I get pregnant - if I am planning to - in order to prevent me going into pre-term labour. 

And last, but not least, Nick and I do not live on the same continent, let alone same country, same house. We would need to travel to each other's countries to spend any time together as a family, which needs to also include my teenage son (second complication). If I'm on hospital bed rest, he will need to visit me during my pregnancy, and fly in for the scheduled birth (if I don't go into preterm labour, like before).  I'm not sure how many times he could come over if there are multiple false alarms before the baby is born.

Statistically, being pregnant and delivering a healthy baby in one's fifties is about as rare as a mid-air plane collision. It happens, but not as much. Certainly not as much as how Mayday Air Disasters would have us believe. There's been some celebrities giving birth in their 50s, but it's so rare that it is more than newsworthy. 

But the desire to procreate is a deep, human desire, our raison d'être, that is baked into each of our cells through our DNA. We want to make babies. Lots of babies. And evolution has given us the most pleasurable, and addictive way to do so. That dopamine high during orgasm gets compared to addictive drugs like heroin and meth. Hell, there's even a 12 step recovery program for those that are addicted to the act of procreation. 

For now, Nick and I will continue in our irresponsible manner and pretend we are procreating, knowing that our chances are extremely low under our health and age circumstances. But it doesn't stop me from making many many AI babies using our pictures and dream of a little brood that will never be. 

Another AI Baby