Why is it that I go about sabbotaging happiness when I have a good hold of it? Do you fuck up as much as I do on "purpose", i.e. knowingly engage in distructive behaviour? Yesterday I got drunk/high while on the job, hid the fact from my B/F who works on the same floor, went to an AA meeting fucked up as hell, and came back only to drink another bottle of wine till 4am in the morning. And now I am jacking off from the office coz I am tired and hung over... but with a glass of Chablis in one hand.
WTF?
Who made this Drunken Wench? Change her! She needs a good telling off to sort her LIFE out, coz she is doing everything she possibly can to distroy her new found "good life". She has someone in her life who appreciates and loves her, she has a good job, she has friends who care, she has everything that anyone can ask for, but yet she is still doing the same shite!!!!!!!
Stop this bitch, someone!! Anyone!!!
Umm... yes. I am a distructive force onto myself. I should be happily in love, happily in sobriety, happily engaged in my work, happily hanging out with my friends, happily all over the place...
But I am not.
Y? Who knows...
Maybe I am not used to being happy.
(What makes you happy?)
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8 comments:
Mary Jane makes me happy. (||) :) Boll after boll.
You and me, we have chemical imbalances. It's not about what we do, what we don't do, who we see, how happy we think we are...it all comes back to the lack of certain chemicals. Now as you can see, I'm in the gutter now myself...but that could change tomorrow.
You can't keep putting so much pressure on yourself. Just be what you are. If that's someone who likes to drink, then fine. Don't fight it just because that seems like the thing to do. If you like this new guy then great. Just go with it. Just be who you are. If you get sad and fucked up when things are going well, then don't feel like you've got to immediately figure it out and change everything.
You're going to feel that way from time to time. It's how things are going to be for people like you and me. I just try to take each day for what it is. Then when I wake up the next morning, I just live that day, and so on. It really is easy.
Plus, you've got to come to a place where you realize that you can't let other people determine how you're going to feel. Only you can do that. Anyway, enough of this quasi-therapy drivvle. You're a great person, so just be you. You'll figure it out and if you're lucky you're happy more than you're sad. But it doesn't work out for everyone I don't think.
Good luck my friend.
I have no idea about any such behavior. Nope.... nuh uh... not me.
OK, I figured no one would believe me. Here's a little newsflash for ya DWR: Probably half the world does the same fucked up shit to ruin happiness. I think that we all know that there's a good chance the bliss won't last forever so we decide to go ahead and fuck it up. Why? That's simple- it's alot less painful when YOU are the one who screws it up than when THE OTHER PERSON is responsible. This way we have an explanation as to why we are unhappy and we aren't left holding our ass in our hands wondering what the fuck went wrong.
PS: You need to stop by and sign my MapSketch so I look like I have friends that don't live in the US.
ok, just wanted to thank you for all the comments: the chemical imbalance, the tales of fellow DWRs (drunken wench russians) and the MapSketch has all brought be back to sanity...
now, with that. a glass of chardonay, 9:10am, AND onto the 2nd round of laundry (yes I am functional enough to do some housework in the state I am. Must be doing something!)
Ok, now lets tell you guyz about Satomi Tiger, the Psycho Bitch!!
oh, and a boll would indeed be nice... just to take the edge of things.
LOL either you live on a VERY VERY small island off the coast of japan or you live in the middle of the ocean. Are you are Toyota Mahime or Haya-Akitsu-Hime-No-Kami? Of course I know these things as I am well-versed in all things Japanese... I watch Inuyasha practically every night. :)
An Inuyashya fan??!!!
An irony since I started to unpack my manga collection only today to find a few classics that I have been missing for a while.
MANGA 4 EVA!!
Miz,
Be happy to talk to you sometime. I remember you when you had a much less to be happy about - actually, you were a lot of fun. Even though you didn't fit, were discriminated against, and had a crappy job. Still think and worry about you, though I think that you know that nothing will change unti l you choose for it to. In the interim, know that you can give me a call.
Hugz,
C
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