No Place Like Home....

For some strange reason, I always feel at home when I stay in hotels. Right now I am staying at Hotel Okura, where our company is holding a conference for "female leaders" (or something). Last night at the end of the the conference I came to my hotel room only to find crisp linen, pre-arranged flowers on my pillow, stiff (but nonetheless comfortable) furniture, and chlorine bleached, thick towels that greeted me. It sounds really clinical, and very unfriendly, but to me it is one of those things that I have gotten used to over the years. This is my second home -- my home when I am away. All the comforts that I seek apart from my little kitties...

HOTEL ROOMS.

I know that many of you may think that I am crazy to even think that a sterile, crisp environment is one in which I find loads of comfort, but I can tell you all what -- I LOVE IT! I love being given clean bed linen each day. I love being given new towels every day, I love having my litter bin cleared out every day, and most of all I *LOVE* room serivce.

Let me tell you about something related to room service on other people's money. It's called "so can't give a shit, coz it ain't my money" syndrome. I have lived with this horrible disease for the past 5+ years... (I think), and I can't seem to find a cure... My dinner including wine tonight cost me just over US$1200. Impressive for a two course meal for one person, right? (and the funny thing is that I have spend nearly twice this amount at the Marriot in Singapore!)

Living in HK I have experienced living in "Hotel Room" like conditions in the form of 6day a week serviced apartments. I also found the same situation in Singapore and also in Korea: my place was cleaned by at least 2 lovely women who even taught me a few lessons about housecleaning which I will never practice in my entire life... Ever.

During my depressive states, I often wake in my sterile double bed, four pillows surrounding me wishing that I can live this life forever.

If only....

Oh Dear...

Poor Sunshine.

I kind of feel sorry for him today -- it's been nearly a week since he went off to Singapore to answer to his BIG boss, the regional business head, who everyone refers to as SB, about the state that our project is in. SB was obviously not too pleased to hear that such a large, risky project has come to a halt for now. Today I had a chance to talk to Sunshine about settling accounts with our vendors, and he sounded like he was having a bit of a hard time with what's been going on.

"Hello, DWR. Yes, yes, please fax me the approval form so that I can sign it and settle the bills; I'll leave the rest up to you, please contact the financial controller before monday."

"Sunshine, where have you been tracking the project costs? I need to double check with the invoice that we have received."

"Oh, shit, well, I have not had captial appropriation for this project, so I was going to expense everything until I got the OK from headquarters. I was going to start tracking budget vs. actuals once I got full approval."

"Great... I'll tell you what, why don't you just leave it with me -- just don't even bother to think about the small things, you just deal with SB. I will create a master schedule for this project, and give you an actual cost based on all the activities and deliverables. I'll look at the contract, work out from there what needs to be paid, and what needs to be pushed back.
And please, from now on, just let us in IT deal with the daily management of this project; IT project management is our core competency, not yours. We will just report to you, so that you can keep the CEO happy. How about that?
"

"Thanks DWR... you've been of great help. I really appreciate your input and support on this project...."

And with that, Sunshine trailed off. I think he's getting bollocked by SB. Oh well. Once he returns from Singapore next monday, we can all try to cheer him up DWR tyle -- go out on the piss! YEAH! (and this time, I'll give him some slack if he starts to tell us stories of his sexual conquest during his business trip.)

And The Walls Came Tumbling Down...

The walls of Jericho came tumbling down when Joshua came with his band of merry men. Unfortunately there were no trumpets, nor was there any divine intervention when a few walls of the ivory tower came down on thursday last week.

Let me explain.

Our CEO approved of our IT project on the condition that we did some hardcore Business Process Reengineering (BPR) -- basically that means that he wanted some major changes in the way the business is run. Sunshine and the boyz of the Ivory Tower are responsible for the BPR, and we in the Engine Room are responsible for getting the system implemented.

But the CEO was pissed off...

He was pissed off that the Ivory Tower were not doing their job properly, and put a stop on the project until his wishes were granted. Sunshine announced on friday that we will be putting the project on hold while the members of the Ivory Tower get their act together so that the project can continue...

For FUCK'S SAKE!! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER BOYZ!!!!! NOT ONLY DO YOU PISS ME OFF WITH YOUR CRAP, YOU FUCK UP MY PROJECT!!

Right! Action Plan from the DWR: "Project Management, Program Management, Ivory Tower Management, Stick a stick up the CEO's arse (management), "Get a life and go to yoga classes on weekdays"-style time management, "Do some serious Blog research" management....

Management, management. (Such wonderful ideals, don't you think? If only I could change the world...)

"I'd like to bring the world to sing, in perfect harmony, I'd like to put an end to this, pathetic company."

Outlook Meeting Request: DWF Action Plan

(Today, dear readers, I am writing a post with my dear DWFs, Y and A. We are celebrating the football results of Japan vs. Stalinist North Korea (Mansei!!) -- actually this is just another poor excuse for us to contribute to the Chilean wine industry. This post is going to be a freestyle convo recording.)

Y: I am not happy, A, with your resource planning for your fridge. Beer is M-Teeee! Last weekendo (just 2 days ago), you habu meny meny beeru (beer). Wai!

(All laugh!)

A: No MRP (material resource planning) in this house. Today surprise audit for my fridge contents.... didn't expect, nor did I pass the audit.

(too fucking right! not enuf booze in dis house!!)

DWR: I cannot believe that we are sitting here in A's kitchen all writing my blog with not enuf booze, and no one has even volunteered to replenish the stock in the fridge, which is packed full of old, frozen steak.... Why there is so much steak, and not enuf booze, I do not know... anyway...

A: You should have just let me fucking go to 7/11 and go buy the booze!

(umm... it would take you more than 30 mins, by which time we would all have gone cold turkey and not been able to function properly.)

Y: DWFs should live up to their names and have their fridge stocked to the brim with booze, damn it!

DWR: Too fuckin' right!

A: Let me run to the store then.

(riiiiight... we would have left your house by then, to go home to our "stocked" fridge!!)

DWR: I love you guyz! You take all the stress out of my fuckt up day!!!

(CHEERZU! Let's have another round of booze.)

p.s.: DWR: A, why do you have a "Hello Kitty" doll in your kitchen?

Y: Oh it's from that Korean chick -- did she dump you?

A: Eh! I'm not getting into that, OK? Not my fucking fault, right?

DWR:... say no more, like I said. Let's have another drink

Drunken Indeed... Drunken.

Weeeeeee!

back fuuuuukt as hell from company dinner that I organised for a guest from Oz -- just got told that I am doing a wonderful job from the boyz in the ivory tower, including Sunshine.

Sunshine even wanted me to move permanantly into the ivory tower and to go out with the other boyz after dinner that I organised. He even gave me a cummunal "HUG"(!) when we all said goodbye....

Men are so simple.